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Snorting, I blink twice, and her eyes bulge before she schools her features.
“You’d be a terrible spy. Don’t quit your day job,” I quip.
Shay launches a pillow from my bed at my face. “You wound me.”
“Yet somehow your flare for the dramatic is always spot on,” I giggle, tossing the pillow back at her.
“Did you hear about the party the guys are throwing next weekend?” She asks.
Sighing, I dip my chin. “Yes, that's all anyone can talk about.”
“I know we’re not going to that, for obvious reasons,” she flicks her head to my stomach, which grows more prominent by the week. “But we can go to the football game in two weeks. It’s for homecoming week.”
Focusing my gaze, I stare her in the eyes, ready to protest, but she continues.
“Come on, Ry. You can’t let them rob you of every college experience. Plus, all the alumni will be here, and it’s tradition to watch the game.”
At the reminder that alums will be here, I remember my dad discussing attending a few events this month at LWU.
“Fine,” I groan. I’m excited about football, just not some of the players. Specifically, four of them and the one who will undoubtedly be in the audience with the hag cheering them on. “This is going to be a disaster.”
“Nope, not even Samantha will act up. With all the alumni here, she’ll be forced to be a person for once.”
I cross my arms. “Because adults have ever been a deterrent for her,” I mutter.
Shay concedes the point, and our conversation shifts to our week at school. I confess the moment of idiocy I had during sociology.
“You’re not an idiot,” she exclaims. “Did you have a moment of weakness? Absolutely. But that’s to be expected. Feelings don’t shut off overnight. They’re the only dumbasses I see.”
I allow her words to sink in. I’m not allowing myself any grace. I had. . . have genuine feelings for them.
Shay’s right.
It’s not a switch that flips off and on. I’m allowed to be hurt. All of this is easier said than done. The part of me that has been an impenetrable force out of necessity argues with the side that encourages me to be vulnerable.
They had so many of my firsts, and when I gave them my heart, they crushed it.
Like I didn’t matter.
Like my feelings were theirs to play with.
Like I’m worthless.
My ire grows and is on the precipice of boiling over.
“Out of your head, Ry, and let’s watch a movie,” Shay coaxes.
Agreeing, I pack my intrusive thoughts into a box and shove it into the back of my mind.
The guys have had too much of my headspace for one day.
27
WES
October 14, 2023
Ariah,
