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He was supposed to be my protector.
But instead, he took everything from me.
He took, and he took, and he took, and I so willingly gave him parts of me without a second thought. I handed him my heart on a silver platter. I trusted him completely. And he never gave me any reason to doubt him.
He was supposed to care for me, but when it came down to it, he let Ben die, knowing full well how important my brother was to me. He watched me grow up, saw how close Ben and I were. Knew that my brother was not just my idol but my best friend before Silvia came along.
And even if Efrem wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger, I can never forgive him for what he’s done.
Letting my camera settle heavily around my neck, I leave the designated path to walk through the trees. To find the one he pinned me against as he claimed my lips, my body.
I don’t understand how the man who could be so tender and careful with me is the same one who would let Ben die. And for what? Yes, Ben was being stupid. And I get why Pyotr would be angry with him. I can hardly make sense of my brother’s behavior over the last few months.
But what purpose could his death possibly serve that would make it worth the agony I feel over losing him?
Settling onto the cold, hard ground at the base of my and Efrem’s tree, I bring my knees close to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I’m lost and so incredibly alone. I can’t see a direction for my life anymore. Everything I knew a week ago is suddenly wrong. The people I trusted most have become my enemies.
The man I loved betrayed me.
“Ben, I need you,” I whisper brokenly.
Then I rest my forehead against my knees and weep.
19
EFREM
Studiously, I watch Dani exit the art building of her school. Dressed in dark denim jeans that hug her athletic legs, a wool-lined mint-green corduroy coat that suits her vibrant style, and a rainbow-colored beanie and scarf, she’s dressed for the cold day.
She looks as though she’s heading toward the subway again—still taking public transportation even after someone killed her brother. Her lack of regard for her own safety sets my teeth on edge. While I can’t simply give up my duty to protect Pyotr and his family, I have spent every last one of my spare minutes keeping a close eye on Dani, worried for her and wanting to find the right moment I might try approaching her again.
Sweeping the sidewalk for any suspicious activity, I move out of the shadows to follow Dani. After having closely monitored her for the last few days, I think speaking with her on her way home from school is going to be my best chance.
This way, her family’s security detail can’t interrupt us, and she might just be willing to listen if we’re in a public space, where I can’t pose as much of a threat. If I give her the power, I’m hoping she might let down her guard—if only for a moment.
I feel bad for having lost my temper over Mikhail the other night. It got in the way of my reason for approaching Dani. By the time I calmed down, she was so wound up I couldn’t communicate correctly about what had happened to Ben—or, more accurately, what I know didn’t happen to Ben.
I wish I had better answers for her, but the best I can give is the relief of knowing the people she put her trust in were not responsible for her brother’s death.
Rather than calling Dani, approaching her from behind, like I did when she called me to meet up with her, I cut across the cold grass to intersect her path before she leaves the campus.
And when I step onto the sidewalk in front of her, Dani doesn’t look up from her fur-lined boots until I’m standing directly in her way.
“You ought to pay better attention to your surroundings if you plan on taking public transportation,” I chide gently, unable to resist voicing my concern for her safety.
Dani’s head jerks up at the sound of my voice; her blue eyes are icy, her lips pressing into a flat line. The hard expression is so unfamiliar on her soft, warm face and it reopens my wounds with astounding ease.
“What are you doing here, Efrem?” she demands, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I need to speak with you, Dani. And I refuse to stop trying until you hear me out.”
Silence stretches between us as she scrutinizes me with blatant distrust. Then she releases a heavy sigh and shifts her weight to demonstrate she’s resistantly willing to give me a moment of her time.
“Fine. Say whatever it is you need to get off your chest. But if I listen now, then you need to agree to leave me alone. Deal?”
It’s an agonizing option, but I don’t see any other option. If I can’t get her to listen to me, what good will it do if I keep approaching her? And if I can’t convince her of my innocence now, what are the odds I’ll ever succeed? Painful as it might be, I can’t say no.
“Deal,” I agree, though I feel the weight of betrayal instantly because I know I won’t be able to stay true to my word. If Dani doesn’t believe me after this, she never has to see me again, but I won’t be able to stay away from her. I know it even as I agree to her impossible terms.
