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She gets up and sits beside me on the bed. "Let me paint a picture of what is happening inside you right now. You saved each brick of a crumbling tower and over time you began to rebuild it. Your wolf began to piece you together. After years of not having a pack, of being isolated, your wolf formed its own pack with two people you trusted. You began to rebuild that crumbling tower. But when you realized what they had done, your wolf felt that its own pack betrayed it. And the tower crumbled again. We wolves, we thrive on our bonds with our pack. Because you were tied to Jonathon in a blood debt, your wolf wasn't exposed to a pack. Remember when you first came into the infirmary?"
I nod, her healing energy thawing out some of the ice inside while my wolf lays its head on its paws, sullen and tired.
"I couldn't understand why there was such a massive disconnect between your wolf and your human side. At the time, I thought it was because of your lack of shifting. It's only once Tony told me about the blood debt and what you had been through that it hit me that Jonathon deliberately isolated your wolf. It's a cruel torture method of olden times, one considered taboo in this day and age. Because of that, when you finally experienced a pack bonding, when you saw the betrayal, your wolf shattered. That's why you want to sleep and you're feeling so tired all the time. Your animal no longer wants to live, which is why your body is rejecting any nourishment we try to give it."
"I understand." I look away from her, toward the ceiling. "So, let me go."
Lydia's hand tightens around mine. "There is a little girl waiting for you, Cynthia."
"Adam can––"
"No, he can't," she interjects. "Adam isn't you. Adam hasn't raised her and loved her. And he will never separate the two of you, even if it means he has to leave you two alone."
My wolf shifts at her words, and I look at her. "What do you mean?"
Lydia's voice is careful. "I need you to listen to me. When Adam did what he did, there were reasons. I'm not going to explain them to you. He is the one who messed up, so he should be the one to fix it. But let me tell you this, Cynthia. The man has been miserable for these past four years. He threw himself into the pack business. He ignored his health. He missed you terribly. His wolf missed you. But he made mistakes that he needs to fix now. If I had known, I would have warned him against this,but the damage has been done. I want you to listen to what they have to say. Maya, Tony, and Adam. This time, just listen, and then decide. Nobody had bad intentions. They manipulated you because they thought they were protecting you. That was a mistake on their part as well. But honey, Maya and Tony love you. It shows in their every action. Maya is due in two months, and she's carrying twins on top of that, but for the past few weeks, she has not left your bedside. She hasn't slept on a bed even though her back is killing her. She's been crying nonstop. Tony has put his whole business on hold trying to make sure you are comfortable. Neither of them have let Adam anywhere near you."
Worry infiltrates the heaviness in my mind. "What do you mean she's not slept properly? She's expecting. She should be home."
"The healer has advised her to be on bed rest, as have I," Lydia sighs, "but she refuses. They do love you. And the people who love us make mistakes. For your sake and theirs, hear them out first, and if you're ready, listen to what Adam has to say."
"I don't want to see him."
"I know you don't." She picks up my hand and puts it over where my heart is. "Your pride was hurt as well, and you can make him pay for it. But I guarantee you that you will need to hear him out. One thing I will tell you, and I will swear another oath for that, is that he fully intended to free you from the blood debt the moment he became Alpha."
"No, he didn't. I overheard him––"
"He did." Lydia gives me a tight smile. "But he didn't realize what you meant until Tony told him. And brainless fool that he is, he thought for sure that once he returned to your side afterdealing with everything, you would be willing to have a civil conversation with him. If it was me, I would have smacked a frying pan on his face."
My lips curve and my wolf grunts in approval.
She smiles back at me. "The world is not over yet. You've faced plenty of hiccups in your journey, honey, and like each time, you're going to pick yourself up and dust yourself off."
She strokes back my hair, her voice gentle now. "Sure, it's going to take some time, some for you, more so for your wolf, but you'll get there. I know you will. And I'll be right here with you."
"You'll stay?" I ask, her presence reassuring for some reason. "Of course. I took a leave of absence the moment Adam called me. I also gave him an earful. I would have boxed his ears, but he's the alpha, and he also looked like he was on the verge of tears, so I didn't. I'll make sure you're fully healed by the time I leave, whenever that is."
"Thank you." I feel my wolf lift its head.
Lydia kisses my forehead. "I have two daughters, you know. From the moment I saw you, you reminded me of my youngest one. Core of steel but still fragile. I have a somewhat soft corner for you. This time, I will make sure whatever you decide, nobody takes that choice away from you. If you want to take Riya and leave, then I will help you establish yourself wherever you want to go."
"Really?"
"Yes. I will go with you and stay with you until I am confident you will be fine. I did that for my oldest and then my youngest, and I can do that for you. But please, hear everyone out first."
I nod, some of the pressure on my chest easing. "Okay."
"Good." She smiles. "I'm bringing you some soup and I'll feed it to you myself. Hopefully, you can keep that down."
I watch her get up and leave. When the door closes behind me, I feel my wolf's uncertainty, but there is also a hint of renewed energy within me. Maybe it's the healing energy, but my mind feels a little clearer.
"I want to live for Riya," I murmur, flexing my fingers. The dark fog of despair that has been clouding my senses has thinned out. "I don't want to leave my daughter alone."
My wolf is quiet but solemn.
"She needs us," I whisper tiredly. "She needs both of us so we can't give up."
My baby comes first. And my pride and hurt has to come last.
