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None of them expected me to agree, that much is obvious. Finn is the first to shed his shocked expression. “Cool. You ready?”
I nod again, turning off the television and pulling a sweatshirt on to hide the fact I’m not even wearing a bra. I feel silly asking them to wait for me to change, and I’m not sure what I would put on instead. The warm clothes I brought—sweaters and fleeces—are nothing like the cute tops Grace and McKenzie are wearing. None of them are wearing jackets.
All I do is slide on a pair of sneakers, leaving my sleep shorts on. At least I’ll be comfortable.
Finn doesn’t comment on my attire as I slide my phone and room key in the pouch of my sweatshirt and walk out into the hallway. He doesn’t say anything at all, and neither does Grace nor McKenzie.
Apprehension swells, asking me what the hell I’m doing. I could be snuggled under the covers right now. As far as I know, Grace and McKenzie don’t get in trouble, but Finn is a wild card.
Debauchery on this trip might be expected, but it’s certainly not condoned. If we’re caught, we could be suspended. My whole future could be gone in a flash. Nerves wriggle in my stomach, tightening into a ball of dread.
Finn stays silent as we walk down the carpeted hall, which must be a record for him. Usually, he won’t shut up. In additionto not distracting me from my anxiety, it makes me worry what he’s concerned about. Does he regret inviting me along?
There’s audible commotion behind several of the doors we pass, and it relaxes me some. Obviously, Holden’s friends aren’t the only ones flouting the rules. If the chaperones decide to check on anything, that lowers the odds we’ll be caught.
Finn finally speaks as we’re nearing the elevator bank. Unfortunately, his choice of topic makes me wish he had stayed quiet. “So you and Holden…what happened there?”
I tense, I can’t help it. I knew coming was a bad idea. “What do you mean?”
“Come on, Cassia. You and Holden used to be tight. Then one morning he’s telling me and Mark not to talk to you.”
I barely suppress the flinch that wants to surface. I could tell him the truth—that I’m just as much in the dark as he is. That Holden chose to end our friendship without consulting me, and I was too confused and heartbroken to consider confronting him until it felt too late and like too much time had passed. To the point that it felt pathetic to still be affected by it, to want to know answers.
The truth makes me look sad and discarded, like a used toy cast aside in pursuit of shinier objects. I’d rather Finn—not to mention Grace and McKenzie, who are eavesdropping—think that I played a more active role in the separation.
It’s none of their business anyway. If I have to wonder, so should they.
“Ask Holden,” I suggest, pressing the down button for the elevator and feeling all three of them looking at me.
Finn scoffs. “Yeah, I tried that. He didn’t tell me shit.”
“There’s your answer then,” I say as I step inside the elevator.
The descent to the ground floor is silent. So quiet I can hear the elevator’s gears shifting, which is disconcerting.
I trail behind Finn, McKenzie, and Grace once we exit. They veer to the left of the lobby and down another carpeted hallway. They all seem confident in wherever they’re going. I resist the urge to ask. I’m not sure it matters; I’m along for the ride at this point.Expect the unexpectedneeds to be my motto for this trip.
Finally, we stop. Finn knocks three times on the door, and I roll my eyes at the exaggerated cloak and dagger routine. No wonder he liked the spy movie I was watching so much.
Mark opens the door. His eyes skate over the group, land on me, and widen before he aims a questioning look at Finn. Finn is already walking past him, with Grace and McKenzie close behind. Mark’s stare moves to me instead.
While Finn is easy to read, Mark is not. He’s not as impenetrable as Holden. But he’s serious and expressionless most of the time, like he is right now.
“Hey, Mark.”
“Hi, Cassia.”
“Uh, cool if I come in?”
“Wha—oh yeah. Of course.” He holds the door open wider and I slip past him, into what I realize is the hotel pool. Hot, humid air swirls the scent of chlorine around. There’s a group of people clustered around the far end where the lounge chairs are set up. Otherwise, the pool deck is empty.
Finn, Grace, and McKenzie have already melded into the group. I feel very much the outsider as I approach the loose gathering. McKenzie sets the glass bottle she brought down on the tile with a clang. I’d like to think that sound is what causes the pause in conversation, but I’m pretty sure it’s my approach.
I scan faces I know by name but wouldn’t consider friends. These are the popular kids, the people who never had to wonder about where to sit at lunch or whether they would have a date to a school dance.
I ate in the library more than a few times freshman year before Sydney joined me at Pembrooke High. I’ve gone to Homecoming with a group of girls each year. To say I don’t fit in here is no understatement.
But I attempt to act otherwise, walking forward with a confidence I don’t feel.
