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Holden isn’t here. It incites a strange mix of relief and disappointment. I’m relieved he won’t witness how out of place I am, my inability to fit in with his friends.
But he would have been a lifeline of familiarity. I probably shouldn’t trust him to look out for me, but I do. And if he’s not here, I can’t help but wonder where he is instead. I seriously doubt he’s asleep, obeying curfew.
Conversation starts up again right before I reach the group.
I settle on a chair, tucking my legs up underneath me. It feels like the temperature has risen, sticky warmth coating my skin and curling my hair. It makes me glad I kept my shorts on. The other girls here are dressed similarly to Grace and McKenzie. I’m guessing they’re all sweating in the tight clothing.
I rub a finger against the hard plastic edge of my room key, safely tucked away in the pocket of my sweatshirt. It feels like an escape route. I’ll stay here for a little while and then head back upstairs.
My phone buzzes. I pull it out to see a message from Sydney. It’s a photo of Lily, sitting outside of Holden’s bedroom door with the stuffed monkey that’s become her favorite toy.She misses you guys, she adds in a second text.
I stare at the photo. Zero in onyou guys.It chafes. I know Sydney—of all people—doesn’t mean it to sound like a coupling, but it’s so easy—too easy—to imagine a me and Holden.
I like both messages right as a door slams. Everyone looks toward the pool entrance. A jolt of adrenaline runs through me,wondering if it’s a school chaperone or hotel employee here to bust us.
Holden walks into the room instead, with Jordan Eaton right behind him. A different sort of anxiety floods my system.
“You’re late,” Mark calls out.
“And you’re supposed to knock three times,” Finn adds.
Holden rolls his eyes as he walks over. He scans the group, looking for somewhere to sit. But then his eyes land on me.
I drop his gaze like it burned me, then immediately chastise myself. Not only does it make it seem like I’m unsure or embarrassed about being here, I can’t read his reaction to the fact that I am.
These are his friends. I blame my inability to maintain eye contact on the way I’m in his element.
I obviously didn’t look up the pool hours and policy, but I’m confident they’re flouting both. I’m amongst people I don’t know well in a situation that could blow up in my face.
There’s no avoiding Holden, though, when he takes a seat at the end of the lounger I’m perched on. I know it’s him before I look up, based on the glimpse of flannel I catch out of the corner of my eye and the hum under my skin.
When I glance over, he’s already looking at me.
“Hey.”
I clear my throat. “Hey.”
The talking around us sounds muted, almost like I jumped in the pool and am listening to it from underwater. I hope it’s in my head, not that they’ve actually quieted to listen to our conversation.
I wait for him to ask what I’m doing here.
He doesn’t. He glances down at my phone, which is displaying the photo Sydney just sent.
One corner of his mouth lifts. “She’s up late.”
I check the time. Just after midnight.
Something else occurs to me. “Happy Birthday.”
Holden glances up, and our gazes lock again. It’s not light enough in here for me to read the emotion swimming in his eyes. Only the emergency lights are on, emphasizing the fact we’re not supposed to be in here. The planes of his face are shadowed, all harsh angles and sharp lines. “Thanks.”
“I’m rooming with McKenzie,” I say. “Finn and Grace came to get her. Finn invited me.” I shift so I’m sitting cross-legged after offering the explanation he didn’t ask for. My knee hits Holden’s thigh, but he doesn’t move away. Neither do I.
He says nothing in response. His placidity emboldens me.
“Finn asked me what happened between us. Why we stopped being friends.”
A noncommittal hum is the only response I get.
