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But that would ruin everything. I have a plan, and I must stick to it.
I look around her room, my eyes dancing from one stray object to another. A purse on the floor. Maybe that’s where it’ll be.
The item of my obsession. Of myanger.
I squat down and dig through her purse, sifting through lip gloss, tampons, and loose change, but I come up empty.
Where is it? I know it’s here somewhere.
I look over my shoulder at Valerie. She’s in the same position as before, unbothered by my presence, though her dreams are probably filled with me. The demon in her room. The black smoke of a house fire.
I’ll take what I can get. I’d rather her have nightmares about me than never dream of me at all.
I take a moment to appreciate her delicate features before I stand up and continue my search.
I know it’s here somewhere. She takes the pill. I know she does.
And then I see it, sitting on the dresser where I was just a moment ago. The little pink and white box is unmistakable.
I almost trip over Valerie’s high heels as I rush over to the box, but I manage to maintain my footing. Falling would be a catastrophe.
I’m taking enough of a risk already by breaking into her apartment, but I wasn’t about to pay someone else to do it. I have the entire city in the palm of my hand, but this is personal. Nobody but me gets to see Valerie in such an intimate way.
The box is tiny in my hand, but it contains the pills capable of preventing my seed from growing inside her. I’m holding literal death in the palm of my hand, and I can’t have that.
Valerie must have my babies.
I crush the box in my palm, feeling the metal casing inside poke through the cardboard and dig into my flesh. I feel disgust as I look down at it, and I squeeze harder. I feel blood, but I keep squeezing until the pills turn to powder and dissolve into my skin.
I keep my hand clenched, unwilling to let go of the birth control until I leave the apartment. If Valerie is allowed to consume even one pill, it will ruin her chance of getting pregnant.
The air in the room shifts, and I look back to Valerie to see that she’s rolled away from me. It feels like another rejection. Somehow, even in her sleep, she’s found a way to deny my attention.
But she can’t deny me everything. I reach into her drawer, pulling out a pair of red panties and bringing them to my nose. They’re clean but they still smell like her. I grab another pair, and then another until there aren’t any left.
I’ll be taking these. What does a girl like her need with so many cute panties, anyway? She shouldn’t be allowing anyone to see them. I would kill any man who even got close to her like that.
So, I rob her of her panties, leaving nothing behind as I flee her apartment. The sun is already starting to come up as I drive away, still clutching her birth control in one hand while a thong swings from my rearview mirror.
3
Valerie
Ialready know I’m going to be late to work when I open my eyes. The sun is streaming in from my window, but it wasn’t enough to wake me up when I should’ve. My phone is dead, too, which is why my alarm didn’t go off.
Fuck, I shouldn’t have been drinking last night.
The coke probably wasn’t a good idea either. I don’t think I’ve ever had anything so strong. It made my anxiety go crazy, and it’s been hard to keep that in check lately.
But I’m awake and sober, and I must face the consequences of being alive another day.
Work.
Most people would be grateful to stand around in pretty clothes and have their picture taken all day, but it gets old quickly once you realize how much it makes your lower back ache and your eyes dry and itchy. Those fucking lights are hot, too.
I roll out of bed, kicking my nude high heels aside and stumbling over to the sink. I splash water in my face, groaning as I look down at my hands and realize I still have my makeup on from last night.
I really just took off my clothes and passed out last night. I barely remember anything, aside from doing a particularly large line at a house party and meeting someone important.
