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I smile at her genuine praise, but I think she’s underplaying the determination she’s shown since losing her sister. That’s not an easy thing for a person to go through.
I brush her hair back behind her ear, planting another kiss on her forehead. “You’re a amazing person. Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it isn’t easy.”
“No, but it is time to share,” she replies. “I’ve been holding it all in for so long that I felt like I’d never be able to talk about it, but after speaking about Julia while I was in rehab, I realized I felt better after sharing her story.”
I nod, allowing her to open up in her own time. There’s no need to rush or prod, especially in a matter so delicate as this. I have my own trauma involving family, but losing someone that close to you isn’t something I can claim to fully understand.
“Julia was wild back then, but so was I,” she says, her eyes brightening as she recalls an important part of her past. “Her and I used to go party all the time. We used to be able to get guys to buy us drinks because they thought they’d be going home with twins.”
I chuckle. “No such luck, I assume.”
She shakes her head. “Nope. We were con artists all the way. It got us everything we wanted, which was mostly drugs and alcohol. We bonded over getting fucked up together, but one night we took it too far.”
The air shifts between us, growing colder even though the sun is shining hotter than ever. Valerie’s gaze drops as she speaks again. “There was this terrible storm the night she passed away. We were at a club, doing drugs and drinking until the early morning. When we got out to the parking lot, it was still raining like crazy, so we decided that instead of walking home and getting drenched, we would drive.”
My throat tightens, knowing what’s coming next but still wishing it could somehow be different. If I could go back in time and change her story, I would do it in a heartbeat. I’d even replace myself with Julia just so Valerie could have her sister back.
I’ve never felt this altruistic before. Normally, I’m the most selfish man a person could imagine, but Valerie has changed me. I’m not sure if I like it either. Feeling this much empathy is painful.
Valerie rubs the back of her neck, her eyes losing focus as she continues her uncomfortable story. “We were young and stupid, so we thought that driving home in one car would reduce the risk. You know, two cars, twice the risk of an accident.”
A bitter laugh slips through her lips. “But that’s not really the way it works. We were on the road, flying down that slippery sheet of glass without a care in the world. She was laughing about something, but I don’t remember what. All of a sudden, we started spinning. I didn’t even realize we were swerving off the road until we hit the tree.”
She claps her hands together so hard that I jump. “I blacked out for a while, but it couldn’t have been too long because I woke up before the ambulance arrived. Julia was there with me, but she didn’t wake up the same way I did. I mean, she was crushed by the impact, blood bubbling out of her mouth. It was horrible to see, but what was even worse was the fact that I felt stone cold sober again as I watched her die, and I remember every detail.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, playing with a small lock of her hair. I roll it across my fingers, watching the strands spread across my skin and trying to picture watching someone that important to me die right in front of my eyes.
I picture Valerie, not Anatoly, and I want to vomit. The image is so horrifying that I look toward the water, gasping for air.
“Are you okay?” she asks, placing a warm hand on my back.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I reply, but it’s not true. I just don’t want to make this all about myself. Valerie is the one who has suffered. Compared to her, my life has been rainbows and butterflies.
“Continue,” I urge, shaking the horrible thoughts out of my head.
She sighs. “Well, there’s not much I remember after that, honestly. The ambulance came and separated us, and I was carted off to the hospital where I underwent a few surgeries. I remember them coming into my room to tell me that Julia was dead, and that’s what really broke me. I was clinging to some delusional hope that she’d be okay, but that wasn’t the case.
“And then life kind of moved along without me. I was still stuck on that night, but nobody else seemed to care. They tried to bring charges against me for my involvement in the crash, but nothing stuck because I wasn’t the one driving.”
I shake my head in disgust. “They’ll do anything to screw you over.”
“Yeah, I was done trusting the legal system after that,” she says. “I just went and started modeling to pay the lawyer fees. My brain barely functional due to the depression I went through. It was like walking through a thick fog, so I used my body to make money in the least degrading way I could think of.”
“And you were doing great until I took your job away,” I say with a chuckle.
“Yeah, you’re such a crook. Why did you do that, anyway? Were you just jealous?”
I shrug. “More than that, but maybe we should have this conversation later.”
“Why later? Why not now?” she asks.
I bet that she feels like I owe her a better explanation because of the secrets about herself she just revealed, and she’s right. But now isn’t the time to delve into the difficult history of the Bratva, nor do I feel like we have enough privacy to have this type of conversation right before the search crew arrives.
It’ll have to wait until we get back to the United States, and I can show her the book in my office desk drawer.
“Trust me,” I tell her, taking her hand and kissing it. “All will be revealed once we get back home. I promise.”
29
