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My little sister grabs my arm when she realizes I'm going to leave before they put our parents in the ground.
"I don't have to explain myself to you." I break free from his grip. Follow orders.
“Hey, Salvatore,” Leone says. You shouldn't talk to her like that, it hurts her too.
—I don't give a shit, I'm not up for nonsense right now.
I'm getting out of everyone's sight because I need a damn drink to calm my fucking nerves. I go inside the Marino mansion, I push people away and when they see that I'm getting rid of my tie they prefer not to intervene because I'm capable of breaking necks right now.
I slam the door to the private bar where business is conducted, it's an office with its own bar included. The portrait of our parents is still intact, I look at it and I directly make the first bottle of alcohol that is closest to me fly.
I cry full of frustration, they were important to me despite all their mistakes, they taught me to be cruel, to be fair, to be visionary and countless things that I ended up polishing to be the pride of both of us. But not my own pride. I take a second bottle, with a knife I open it, blowing out the entrance and I pour myself into a large glass and then approach the portrait of my parents.
—Dante Marino and Iliana Marino—I run my fingers over the volume writing on the frame—. Why fuck? Did they have to leave me? This is going to shit because of me.
There is no answer, I just see their broad smiles and looking at any point that makes them look up, never down because we don't have the luxury of seeing people who don't even reach our heels.
I take a big gulp, letting the liquor completely burn my throat where the pain I'm trying to hide lies. Now I have to do everything, I have to become the Don who is in charge of the family and I ask myself again.
It was the moment?
I don't know because right now I can't hug Ginevra, I can't talk to my brothers and I can't face these fucking people who are waiting for new instructions.
The Rinaldis have always been our worst enemies, we cannot have women because they want them, we cannot have a party because they are always present and all because of a conflict from years ago where my grandfather ended up killing the daughters of Alessio Rinaldi's father .
There is only him left, before there were four of them and now there is only one left standing who continues to touch my balls because in his big hollow head there is still the idea that they must kill all of our people until there is no one left or until I am left alone for the fight.
The door opens and Leone walks in, I immediately turn around to wipe my face.
"You're in charge of all this, you can take me three years, however, I won't let you send the whole family to hell because you don't know how to control yourself," he asserts. As if his shit matters to me right now. Gin is only seventeen, he needs us more than anything and don't worry, Domenico and I can take care of it, I just ask that you don't talk to him that way.
—He must get strong, damn! I shout at him as I turn to face him. We can't spend all the blessed time behind her telling her nice stories and having tea when she wants it. Our parents died and you must do your part.
—Which part Salvatore? —He doesn't move away, he faces me like the bastard he is—. She is seventeen and I am not going to let her become a pimp for our clubs at that age, she must grow up, she must decide on her own what she wants to do in the 'Ndrangheta.
I wipe my lips by running the back of my hand over them, take another big sip, and push it away with my shoulder. Right now it's not just him who suffers, I also do it only in silence and that's what they downplay because I'm not letting out snot everywhere.
They don't care about Salvatore, they care about me keeping them going.
And who does it for me?
—All of you go to hell for today, let me live, let me cry and...
—Get drunk? Do whatever the hell you want, but when you get back talk to me first to talk to our brothers.
—I'm the leader, now! —I angry bark—. My parents are dead, I become Don and you have to follow my damn orders because... Because I just want to protect you! —I smash the glass against the table and put my hands against the edge of it—. I just want to be left alone... I want to be alone...
He approaches slowly, keeping his hands in his pockets until he drops his hand on my back.
—You can destroy yourself all you want, you can do it because it is your right, but let it not happen after today because they have already taken it away from us, Alessio is going to want to continue with what we care about the most and I'm talking about Gin.
—Yes, damn, I know!
Tears fall from my eyes, I feel the burning throughout my body, right now I can travel to Apulia and tell that bastard who continues to screw up my existence to hell.
I listen to Leone leaving me alone, I already assume that in a few hours I will have Domenico here and then Ginevra trying to make me feel better. That's why I better decide to go out, I make everyone stay at home.
Right now I don't care if Alessio puts a bullet in my head.
