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Unable to hold his dark stare without crumbling, I drop my gaze back to his shirt as my hand slips beneath the material, skimming across his abs and up to his chest to feel the warmth beneath my palm. “I think I was the one who took advantage of you,” I tell him. “You came to me asking for a way that I could forgive you, and I backed you into a corner that I knew you couldn’t get out of. I forced this on you and fought with you every time you tried to pull away. You told me from the start you could never love me the way I wanted you to, and I didn’t listen.”
“I don’t want you walking away from this thinking that,” he murmurs. “I sure as fuck don’t see it that way, and if at any point I wanted to say no, I would have. I was selfish. I had a taste of you and I wanted more in every sense of the word.”
“And now you don’t?”
“It’s not that I don’t. It’s that Iwon’t,”he tells me. “Us together, we can’t make this work without tearing your family to shreds, and I won’t do that to them, and I won’t do it to you. You deserve someone who can love you the way you need. Someone you can walk through the door with who’s not going to send your family into turmoil. Or hell, someone you don’t need to lie about just to be with him. It’ll fucking kill me, but I want all of that for you. Falling in love with someone shouldn’t be so damn hard, Birdy. You shouldn’t have to fight so much just to have someone tell you they love you.” He takes a heavy breath, needing to step away. My hand falls from his chest, and when he meets my stare, his gaze is haunted. “I’m too fucking broken. I have issues, Aspen. Deep-rooted issues that are never going to go away, and yeah, when I’m with you, I get to pretend that they don’t exist, but they do. So go, Aspen. Go fall in love with someone who isn’t me. Go have your happy ending, build the big fucking house with the picket fence, and have all the children who look nothing like me.”
Every word that comes out of his mouth is torture, but we’ve never spoken about houses with picket fences or children, and I can’t help but wonder if this is the dream he wanted for us—the dream he so foolishly believed could come true.
“Please don’t do this,” I whisper. “I know you love me, Izaac. I feel it every time you touch me.You’re in love with me. Don’t push me away.”
“I have to.”
I find myself backing up until my ass hits the edge of my car. “You’re wrong,” I breathe, whimpering as my whole world burns to ashes. “You’re not broken, and no matter how hard you push me away, it’ll always be you. There is no happy ending for me without you.”
He shakes his head, devastation in his eyes. “Just go, Aspen. We’re done.”
And with tears streaming down my face, I turn and walk away.
33
ASPEN
Becs stares at me, a cringe pulling at her lips as she takes the small shot of tequila and lifts it to her lips. “So, uhh,” she says, pausing to deal with the burn that sails down her throat before sucking the lemon and licking the salt off the back of her hand. “Your brother just texted. Apparently, he’s headed to Vixen tonight to go for round two with Izaac.”
Well, shit.
“Good luck to them,” I say, reaching across the bar and grabbing my shot. “I hope they’re happy together.”
As I take my shot, Becs laughs. “Doubt it. I don’t see a reconciliation in their future. At least not anytime soon,” she offers. “Austin has been working out in his garage and beating the shit out of his punching bag, so I’m pretty sure he’s only going to get another crack at Izaac’s ribs.”
“If only he had someone who cared enough to warn him,” I say, watching as the bartender refills our shots and getting giddy as we each pour the salt onto the backs of our hands.
“That’s the spirit,” Becs says before pausing and letting out a heavy sigh. “I mean, the two of them going at it would be kinda hot though.”
“Hot isn’t the word I’d use for it,” I say, thoroughly disgusted by the thought of Becs getting off to my brother and Izaac getting all hot and sweaty in a brawl. “But I’m not gonna lie, I wouldn’t mind being a fly on the wall for that one.”
Her eyes light up as she grabs the two shots and hands me one. “Then let’s go,” she says, getting overly excited. “I haven’t been in ages. I miss Vixen. We could get a little freaky and then hide behind the bar while the guys have it out. Really, it’s a win-win situation.”
I gingerly take the shot from her outstretched hand as I feel the tequila rushing to my head. “I mean, he did tell me to go find Mr. Forever. Who’s to say that my dream man isn’t waiting for me at Vixen’s VIP bar right now?”
Becs grins, already scooping her bag off the bar and getting to her feet. She takes the shot and makes a face as it burns on the way down. She slams the little shot glass down. “Oh, hell yeah. That was good,” she says before a wide grin tears across her face. “You know, that Izaac of yours is a very jealous creature. There’s no telling what he might do if he were to see you having a little fun with your future Mr. Forever.”
I grin right back. If Izaac wants me to be with someone else, then why the hell shouldn’t I? It’s not like I’m even close to getting physical with another man, nor do I want to, but I’m not ready to give up on Izaac yet. Seeing me opening my options to other men might just be the kick up the ass he needs.
Becs is right, Izaac is a jealous creature. Just the thought of me going out on a Tinder date was enough to risk him going to Austin for help. Not to mention, my non-date with Harrison drove him insane. He’s not going to give me the time of day if I were to just walk through the door of Vixen, but if I were to draw him out by playing on his weaknesses, then I might just get my chance to reel him back in.
“This is a terrible idea,” I tell her as I slide off the barstool with absolutely no intention of backing out. Now that the little seed has been planted and the thought of just laying my eyes on him is within my grasp, there’s no stopping me now.
“I know. Isn’t it exciting?” she laughs, looping her arm through mine. “Besides, what’s the worst that could happen? If someone approaches you and you’re not feeling it, say no thanks, and we keep drinking at the bar. And if someone does approach you and it makes you feel all tingly down in your girl bits, then see where it goes. But preferably in private. Can you imagine what your brother would do if he walked in to see you getting it on with some strange guy? He’s already on edge.”
“Holy shit,” I grunt, able to picture the way he’d go off so easily, but honestly, after the cruel words he threw my way, he deserves to suffer. I’ll just have to find another way to make it happen. I’m down with making Izaac watch me with another man, but having Austin see that shit? Hell no. There are some lines not even I would cross. “This is going to be a disaster.”
Becs grins. “Hell yeah, it is.”
We both laugh as we stumble out of the bar and to the road.
Becs works on getting us an Uber, and I drop down onto the curb to wait. I’ve more than learned my lesson about walking anywhere after spending the night drinking. “I hope you don’t think you’re going to swoop in and make Austin your special little guy after he goes for round two with Izaac.”
