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I couldn’t be with Liam. I couldn’t continue to be Finn’s nanny.
Not after this. Even if there was a slim chance Liam didn’t hate me, I hated myself.
They both deserved someone better, someone who knew what they were doing, someone who could give them more than I could. Someone who was smarter, stronger, more capable. Someone who was less needy and not so dependent onthem.
Someone who wasn’t me.
Before the last click of the staple gun sounded, I ducked out of the room to the shattering echoes of Finn’s cry.
TWENTY-NINE
LIAM
Icould barely keep my eyes open, unable to focus on my son while he was in such agony. But I forced myself, holding on tight to his hand and shoulder, even as he begged me to help him with garbled cries.
“You’re doing such a good job,” I told him, though I doubted he could hear me through his wailing. “Almost done.”
With one lastclick, the doctor finally released his grip on Finn and moved away from the table, stripping off his latex gloves in the process. Finn immediately threw himself at me, so upset he lost the D when he cried for me. “Addy! Addy!”
I kissed his head, held him tight. “All done. You did so good, buddy. I’m really proud of you.”
I glanced over my shoulder to ask Kennedy for a tissue, but she wasn’t there. I spun in a circle with Finn still clinging to me, thinking that she’d pop up from a corner, but the room was probably only ten by ten feet. If that.
I figured she’d stepped outside since she was squeamish.
Dr. Thompson typed something into the computer then hit a button, printing out directions for us. “You’ll need to come back in two weeks to get the staples taken out. Don’t get the wound wet for at least forty-eight hours. After that, clean gently around it. If it gets itchy, you may use a little bit of Vaseline, but avoid anything else.” He handed me the slips of paper. “Do you have any questions?”
“No. Thank you.”
With a brusque nod, the asshole ducked out of the room, leaving only the male nurse, who pulled out a stack of stickers. He spoke gently to Finn. “You were really brave. Would you like some stickers?” He flipped through them. “I have Mickey and Minnie,Frozen, flowers. These ones are animals or rainbows…”
Finn peeked out from my shoulder, pointing his index finger at the ones he wanted.
“Animals? That’s a good choice.” He peeled off two stickers, one of a sloth and the other a toucan. “I hope you feel better.” Then he offered both Finn and me a smile before opening the curtain, motioning that we were free to go.
“Time to go, guy.” I stepped into the hall, kissing the top of Finn’s ear. “I love you so much.”
He moved in my hold so his legs were wrapped around my waist, his chin on my shoulder. He whimpered, “Quirt?”
My adrenaline crashed now that the crisis was handled, leaving me drained. The last thing I wanted to do was go get some ice cream, but I’d promised. “Yeah, we’ll get ice cream with squirt.”
I’d been paralyzed with fear when I’d gotten out of class and noticed how many calls I’d missed. I knew in my gut something bad had happened.
I half expected something worse.
God knew the kid was a walking accident waiting to happen. I was honestly surprised it had taken this long for his first incident requiring stitches or staples.
Didn’t mean it didn’t scare the shit out of me. I think my stomach dropped clear out of my body when I heard Kennedy’s voice, breathy and broken. She must have been terrified, but I was so grateful she took good care of Finn. I probably should have thanked her earlier, but I was too worried to think about what Ishoulddo and functioned strictly on what Ineededto do.
I’d make it up to her.
Add it to my IOU list.
I could buy her the entire Ulta store and it wouldn’t be enough to repay her for what she’d given to Finn and me.
With a deep breath, the tension in my back eased, and I pivoted to the side, expecting to find Kennedy leaning against the wall, but she wasn’t there. I craned my neck, searching for her.
“Quirt,” Finn repeated, tugging at my hair.
