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20
Emma
When everyone finally leaves the house, I heave a sigh of relief.
While Sylvie had spent the last two days trying to help, her constant fussing was becoming overbearing, and I was struggling not to explode with frustration. She had made numerous attempts to persuade me to come to the wedding, but no matter what she said, my answer was always going to be the same. I simply refused to ruin Jackson and Bree’s day with my miserable disposition.
Besides, I just couldn’t face Finn.
Once the anger had passed from the other night, the heartbreak took over. Everything had been going so well. I had expectations of what my life was going to be like, and my future looked happy and content. I’m in love with the man. I know that now. I’ve also begun to realize that I clearly overreacted.
In a perfect world, Finn would have told me about Nick. But he didn’t. Yes, what happened that Friday evening was dreadful, and if I’m honest, quite terrifying. But nothing came of it. In fact, it was Finn who saved me from a fate I have chosen no longer to think about. But my mind is a muddle. I’ve jumped from sadness, to anger, to utter misery, and I’m exhausted. I have come to the conclusion that my sister is right, after all. My mother really does have a lot to answer for.
She has brainwashed me with how dreadful men are, and with her constant preaching’s not to expect anything but pain. She has held me back from living a fuller life, which, by all accounts, might have made last Friday far more bearable. If I had more experience with men, if I had been exposed to more conflict and debate, I would have seen the signs of what was happening, and understood that I was being conned.
I took my frustration out on Finn, humiliating him in front of everyone. Something that has also plagued me for the last two days. After everything he has done for me, I zoned in on the one singular thing he has done that was bad. How’s that for gratitude? What a fool I am.
With the house now empty, what I thought I wanted, was some peace and quiet. What I realize I actually need, is some Led Zeppelin. I head to the Den, and turn on the stereo. Routing through the CDs, I grab their Mothership album, and slip the disc into the player.
I flick it over to Immigrant Song and turn it up loud.
Ahhh. Ahhh. We come from the land of the ice and snow, from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow. The hammer of the gods, would drive our ships to new land, to fight the horde, and sing and cry, Valhalla, I’m coming, yeah.
It’s been a while, but listening to the lyrics, I get the immense impulse to just rock out. I used to do it in my bedroom at home all the time, and now, it just feels right. It’s the best way I know to get rid of all my pent-up emotions.
The music continues to blast, and I bounce around the Den like I’m at a rock concert. Nobody’s here. I can just let it all go. I close my eyes and let the music take me. As I rock to the rhythm, I move around the room, bouncing from one foot to the other, flailing my arms in every direction. The music seeps through my cells, taking over my body like I’m possessed. I’m turning around in the room, and for fear of losing my balance, I open my eyes.
Then, I jump out of my skin, and scream in fright.
Finn is standing in the doorway of the Den. He’s watching me with his eyebrows raised in wonder. Shit! Running to the stereo, I go to flick it off, but I press the wrong button. The next song starts to play, and I’m suddenly flustered and confused. Heat is rising up my neck and into my face, and I can feel myself sweating. I start hitting the other buttons, but nothing is working. And then, Finn is beside me. Calmly, he reaches a hand past me, hits a button on the stereo, and the room falls into silence.
Breathlessly, I stand there, raging heat blazing out of my cheeks, panting. It’s partly to do with the dancing, partly to do with my embarrassment of being caught dancing, and partly because Finn Brecken is standing not a foot away. He smells amazing, and looks utterly dashing in his wedding suit. In fact, I’ve never seen him looking so handsome.
“Hi,” he says, looking down at me.
“Hi,” I gasp breathlessly, dropping my gaze as my face burns even redder for all the aforementioned reasons.
“I just called round because we got a complaint from a neighbor about the noise,” he says.
My mouth falls open. “Oh, God. I’m so….”
The side of his mouth twitches, and I quickly realize I’m being the same gullible Emma I’ve always been. “Oh,” I say, knowing that he’s teasing me.
I don’t know what else to say, and so, I look down at my fingers as I nervously twist them around each other.
“Actually,” he says again. “I came by to beg your forgiveness.”
“Finn—”
“Please, Emma.” He raises a hand to stop me. “Please let me explain.” He takes a deep breath in, and expels it slowly. I can feel the hot air tickling my cheek. “I have no excuses for what I did. But I would like to explain my reasons for not telling you what, I know now, I should have. It has to do with you, and me, and Sylvie.”
“Sylvie?” I frown.
“Well, it appears my sister is more astute than I give her credit for, and she realized, not long after you arrived, that there was a connection between us. She asked me to stay away from you.”
I nod. “Yes. She told me.”
He nods back at me. “Well, I tried. And while I was trying, you met Nick Fenton. I should have listened to my gut. I should have ignored what appeared to be the logical answer, and just told you outright. But I felt like I didn’t have a right to step over that line. I know now, that I was wrong. I wish, with every fiber of my being, that I had told you that day you met him in the coffee shop. But I didn’t. And I can’t turn back time, either.” He pauses a beat. “The thing is, Emma. I have never met anyone like you. Even if you do put milk in your tea.” He makes a disgusted face, and I can’t help but laugh.
