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Thomas flexed his fingers, looking down at the redness amongst his freckles. “I don’t think I deserve a milkshake, Issac,” he muttered. He didn’t regret anything he said to Danny, but he shouldn’t have laid hands on him.
“Something I’ve learned, Thomas,” Issac said, raising his fingers on the steering wheel, “is everyone deserves a milkshake. Particularly people who just yelled at their ex-boyfriends that they were going to hunt them down if they were anything less than an American All-Star.”
Thomas glanced over at him, feeling a smile tug at his lips despite how miserable he felt. “Strawberry?”
“I can do that,” Issac agreed, rolling down his tinted windows to place the order.
“Issac,” Thomas said a few minutes later as they sat in the parked car with their ice cream.
“Mhm,” Issac hummed, focused on trying to get his whipped cream to mix with the chocolate milkshake.
He hesitated, not sure if he could take back the words once they were out. “This was the right thing to do, right? All of it?”
“Hmm.” Issac took another drink from his milkshake before answering. “The right thing is subjective and morally gray question at best, Thomas,” he said finally, looking over at him. “Depending on who you ask and in the end, you only have yourself to live with those decisions. What’s making you question it?”
Thomas chewed on his lip for a moment before answering. “Two men are dead,” he said finally, “because I tried to protect Danny’s scholarship and admission to his dream school but… He said—” He swallowed as his throat tightened. “He said he’d give it up so we could work this out. What if— What if I hadn’t gone? What if I hadn’t left the room? If he was okay with—”
Issac’s hand stretched between them to squeeze Thomas’s shoulder. “He wasn’t though,” he said evenly. “Think, Thomas. He was claiming he didn’t send the email. He was trying to get you not to break up with him. From what Sean said, he was throwing everyone else under the bus for how you got that email. Telling you that he would give up on his dream was just one more desperate attempt not to lose you.” He sighed as he sat back, pausing to take a drink of his already half empty milkshake. “Let’s think about this together,” he said. “How long as Danny been playing baseball?”
“Since he got too old to play t-ball,” Thomas answered, parroting the answer Danny once gave, seeing his dazzling smile.
“And how long has he wanted to play for that college?”
Thomas had to think for a moment, to remember what Danny and Sean had told him. “Their dad played for the team before his injury, so since Danny could remember being told that.”
“Right,” Issac said, spinning a finger. “Now let’s examine family history and their injuries. From what you told me, Sean Senior’s baseball career ended in college due to a blown out knee. Sean Junior’s career ended in a similar fashion but with a busted shoulder. Due to both of their injuries, Danny has been extremely careful, not taking any unnecessary risks, so he doesn’t end the same way. It is the reason why resting a knife on his arm made him freeze up. Even though right next to him, the person he would supposedly give it all up for was being threatened.”
Thomas’s lips pressed together. “Freezing up is a normal thing to do.”
“I’m not disagreeing,” Issac said, shrugging. “Fuck, when I saw Finnegan I froze for a second before trying to run. If he didn’t freeze, I’d be wondering what Sean has been exposing him to.” He grimaced. “Although in hindsight, Sean could have exposed him to a bit more of the Clovers, if I’m honest. He’s going to hate being an adult in this city if anyone in organized crime without a Clover scares him this badly.” He waved a hand when Thomas’s eyebrow raised. “I’m getting off the subject. Point is, we can agree that Danny eats, sleeps, and breathes baseball, right? That it’s in his very DNA?”
“Right,” Thomas agreed slowly.
“So let’s pretend that you took him up on that offer,” Issac continued. “Let’s pretend that he withdrew from his college and started community college here. Actually, so long as we’re pretending, let’s say that between Fergus and Seong doing him and you a favor, he was able to get into the university. Let’s even say he was able to dorm with you for freshman year.” He focused on Thomas, dark eyes like jet stones staring into his. “How long do you think he’d make it before he started having regrets? The university doesn’t have much of a sports department. He wouldn’t be able to play baseball against other colleges. He’d probably be able to get on a local team. Maybe he’d be able to get the attention of a major or minor league but if he was drafted that would put you both in the exact same situation as him going, so we’re going to ignore that possibility for the moment. So? How long before your arguments become his resentment for giving up on the only future he considered instead?”
Thomas’s eyes dropped, frowning at the milkshake still held in his hands.
“You know that he loves baseball more than anything else in the world, Thomas,” Issac said after a moment of silence. “More than he thinks he loves you. You’ve never not known that. It’s what made you such a great boyfriend to him. Because there was never a point where you would think of asking him to choose between you and his passion. Because you cared enough about what he wanted that you put yourself in danger to protect him.”
The hand was on Thomas’s shoulder again, warm and much stronger than it had been back in December.
“You also knew,” Issac continued, “that Seong wasn’t going to leave you unprotected. You knew that he was going to come and get you. And I know, deep down, you know that the two men who died that day were dead the second they messed with you. Not because you left the hotel. You didn’t hear this from me but I had the very clear impression that the Zoo only needed a reason to go after one and from what you told me, the other was always going to follow.”
Thomas sighed through his nose, closing his eyes. “How do you balance this, Issac,” he whispered, bowing his head. “How do you balance being honest and knowing all of this shit?”
“Hm, well for starters, I think you need to tell me what, exactly, you think ‘honest’ means.”
Thomas turned his head, frowning at Issac, who raised an eyebrow back. “I— you know what it means.”
“I know what I think it means,” Issac corrected, gesturing at Thomas with his cup. “What do you think it means?”
Thomas thought about the question. “It’s just… everyone who isn’t in organized crime. Those are honest people. Everyone who is in organized crime is made.” He shrugged. “Simple as that.”
Issac chuckled. “Yeah, pretty simple when you put it that way, and for the Three Rings, it’s fitting.” He took another drink of his milkshake, the straw sputtering as he reached the bottom of the cup. “But it’s not accurate. Not in the grand scheme of things.”
“What do you mean,” Thomas asked him, feeling his brow furrow.
“There are a lot of dishonest people who are not in organized crime, wouldn’t you agree? Politicians for starters, but also scammers, serial killers, pedophiles, rapists, murderers, burglars, even low level criminals like shoplifters.” He put his empty cup in the cup holder and raised an eyebrow at Thomas. “You wouldn’t call those people honest now would you?”
