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"I know this is putting you in a bad position," Dusty said, voice soft. "We don't want to mess up your new relationship with Eli. I think having you - even if he doesn't have us or want us - is a good thing. If he lost you on top of all of us, I worry about what would go on in his mind."
"I would worry about that too," I agreed.
"So, what we're saying is," Lea cut in, "push, but don't push him away. Because at least we know he has some roots if he has you, someone to talk to, someone to give a shit about him. That's important. He needs some soft after so many years of hard."
"He really does."
"We hope we see you on Thanksgiving," Dusty said, moving back a step, obviously trying to guide the other women to leave. "But we will understand if you can't move mountains."
"Thank you, Autumn," Fee said, giving me a serious nod. Then, shaking off her heaviness, the normal Fee I was used to came shining through. "The Wand is fucking amazing, by the way," she said as she backed toward the door.
"That's why it is a bestseller," I agreed as they opened the door, and stepped outside.
With that, they were gone, and I was alone with my thoughts.
They swirled so fast that I had to sit down, cradling my head in my hands, trying to make sense of it all.
On one hand, yes. I so wanted to be the savior to their little family. I wanted to give Eli back to them. And I wanted to give them back to Eli. They needed one another. He might not have been able to acknowledge it himself, but it was eating him alive to stay away, especially since they were in the same town.
His interaction with Hunt, and the aftermath, showed me just how much it was hurting him. He needed to reconnect.
That being said, I didn't wear the white hat. I was nobody's hero.
And I was holding a whole family's disappointment on my shoulders if I didn't pull through.
On the other hand, I didn't want to rock the boat. Things were going in a somewhat unexpected direction with Eli. I wanted it to keep doing that. I wanted him to keep opening up to me, showing his sweeter, softer side. I wanted him to trust me.
How could I expect him to trust me when I was going behind his back?
On a groan, no less confused than I was twenty minutes before, I reached under the counter for my cell, dialing up my sister.
"This better be good. They're DP'ing her right now and it is hot as shit."
One second. That was all I needed with my sister to help lift some of the weight.
I launched into it, talking in circles, words tripping over one another to get out first.
"So don't," she said simply after listening silently for about half an hour.
"Don't what?"
"Don't go behind his back," she clarified.
"But, what..."
"Look, I know you feel bad for them. Anyone would. But your loyalty lies with Eli. And, yes, I think we all can agree he needs his family back, it is not your place to push him into that. That is his decision. And if he ever finds out you did that, you and him are over. Now, I know you're going to deny this and say I'm crazy or what the fuck ever, but I know you, Autumn. You have feelings for him."
"I barely--"
"You've been mooning over him for five years. Don't pull that 'I barely know him' shit. You know him better than that last dude I had a two-week fling with."
"Angelo No-Last-Name," I recalled. He had a last name, but he and Peyton were too busy getting it on to share that kind of information.
"Exactly. You know his last name. You know where he lives. You know he's an artist. You know what movies, books, music, and food he likes. You know he fucks you like there's no tomorrow. You know more than enough to have feelings. And, dare I say it, be already half in love with him. Don't," she said before I could even get a noise out, "even try to deny it. We both know it is true. What I am saying is, you don't fuck around and ruin that because a bunch of women showed up and went all teary-eyed on you. I know, I know, I'm a heartless monster," she went on, and I could practically hear the eye-roll she was doing. "But he matters more. His feelings need to matter more. And his choices need to be his own, not manipulated by you and some women he has made it clear he doesn't want in his life. Even if," she cut me off when I went to speak, "we both know he does want them in his life."
