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And it’s true. I’m crazy about him. He has totally changed my life. I was covered in cobwebs in a cold, dark place until he laid eyes on me. He never took no for answer. And never gave up on me. Ever. He hung in there no matter how bad it looked. He is truly as he says. As tenacious as a gnarled tree.
‘I hope you never tire of telling me that,’ he says, gently setting me down on the ground.
‘Want some breakfast?’ I ask.
‘What am I having?’
‘What do you want?’
‘Well, today is our anniversary so I want something special.’
I look up at him. His skin is tanned and healthy and there is a cheeky smile playing about his mouth. One day his skin will crinkle and hang off his bones, but even then I will never tire of looking at him.
‘Well, come into the kitchen then,’ I say.
He fakes wretchedness. ‘There was a time you would have called me into the bedroom.’
I laugh and open the kitchen door. ‘Did you or did you not have an anniversary blowjob and an anniversary fuck this morning, Jake Eden?’
‘I’ll admit, I did.’
I step inside. It is cool in the house. I go to one of the cabinets and open it. ‘So…’
He grins. ‘I was hoping for something a bit more on our anniversary.’
When he is like this I find him impossible to resist. I take out a wooden box and open it.
Jake comes close. ‘Did they bring you something else today?’
I take a bit of a child’s broken plastic toy out of my pocket. Red and blue. I hold it out to him.
He takes it out of my palm and examines it. ‘Fucking hell, it’s hard to keep up with these critters. They keep bringing stuff for my wife.’
I suppress the laughter that is rising in my throat. ‘I have an Irish joke for you.’
He groans. ‘Not another one?’
God! How much I love, love, love this man. ‘Do you want to hear it or not?’
‘Does it feature a fork and soup rain?’
‘No.’
He leans his hip against the edge of the counter. ‘All right then.’
‘The thing is, this joke can only be told in the bedroom.’
‘Lead the way, madam,’ he says, straightening himself eagerly, his eyes shining.
Well, the joke had eight canned pineapple rings and a bit of whipped cream, but my husband is big, so I had to use twelve pineapple rings and half a can of whipped cream.
Did my husband enjoy the joke?
Yeah, any hot-blooded Irishman would. It was good enough to eat.
And guess who ate it?
Yeah, me. I’d eat anything off that Irishman…
In memory of Patrick Eden:
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and said, ‘Father, my dog is dead. Could ya be sayin’ a mass for the poor creature?’
Father O’Malley replied, ‘I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature. ’
Muldoon said, ‘I’ll go right away, Father. Do ya think five thousand is enough to donate to them for the service?’
Father O’Malley exclaimed, ‘Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?’
If you have enjoyed EDEN you might like a peek into what happens to BJ and Layla. Their sweltering affair is called Sexy Beast.
