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“Come on. You look cold.”
“It feels good,” she whispers.
Fuck, she’s killing me.
“Uh, all right. I’m going up to bed.”
Finally, she gives me a hint of a smile. “Good idea. He’s an early riser. And I have a feeling as soon as he knows you’re still here, he’ll be up to visit.”
“Looking forward to it.” And I realize as soon as the words leave my mouth, I mean it. I can’t wait to spend a whole day getting to know Chance.
Spending time with Lilly is also a bonus, as much as I’d love to pretend that’s not true.
My time here needs to be about bonding with Chance. No matter how worked up I get around Lilly, getting involved with her again is a no-go. No matter how much I missed her. No matter how much I love staring at her or how many memories of our explosive chemistry assault my brain and harden my dick.
Not going there.
“Night, Lilly.”
“Night.”
My “room” is more of a loft. There’s no door. It’s private enough, though. From downstairs, I can only see the landing and one of the bookcases. It also means from the top I have a nice view of almost everything downstairs, except the bathroom and bedrooms.
I set my bags on the bed and return to the landing, watching her out on the deck. Her property is secluded enough. She’s more likely to be chewed up by mosquitoes than encounter a serial killer, but I can’t help watching over her anyway.
Finally, she stands and blows out the candle. I step into the shadows as she comes inside. No need for her to know I’m up here watching her like a creeper. Or how much I want her like my next fucking breath.
Stella’s supposed to visit soon. I’ll work out my frustration with her. And if I can’t wait, well, there’s an endless parade of willing females associated with the club who would be more than happy to help me take my mind off Lilly.
Now if I can only learn to ignore that sick feeling in my stomach every time I picture myself with anyone but Lilly, life will be perfect.
Ten
Z
Lilly wasn’t kidding about Chance being an early riser.
The sun’s barely peeking through the windows when little feet whisper up the stairs.
I crack open an eyelid and watch Chance tiptoe over the rug like he’s a little cartoon cat burglar.
“Theee,” he whispers loudly. “You awake?”
I reach out and curl my arm around him, dragging him close. “I am now.”
He bursts into giggles as I haul him up next to me. “Whatcha got there?”
He thrusts what looks like a bunch of flash cards held together by a metal ring in my face. “ABCs.”
“You know your ABCs already?”
“Uh-huh.” He nods vigorously, then sings all the letters for me.
“Sorry about that,” Lilly says when Chance finishes.
I glance over and she’s standing on the stairs, just high enough that her head and shoulders are visible through the railing.
“It’s okay.” I sit up and scrub my hands over my face a few times.
“That’s our morning thing.” She gestures toward the book in Chance’s hand. “But when he realized you were still here…”
“It’s fine.”
“Chance, want to help me make breakfast?” Lilly calls.
“Yeah! Hurry, Thee.” He tugs on my hand and waves the ABC book at me again.
“Give me a second, buddy. I’ll be right down.”
He scampers over to Lilly and she takes his hand, leading him downstairs.
The shock and awe of being woken up by my son for the first time clings to me as I make my way into the bathroom.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m dressed and on my way into the kitchen, unsure of what the day will bring.
Chance is sitting on the kitchen floor, playing with a couple of cars while Lilly cooks.
“I thought you were helping your mom, buddy?” I ask, squatting down so we’re at eye-level.
He tilts his head. “I am.”
I can’t help reaching out to run my hand over his head, ruffling his thick, dark curly hair.
“He’s helping by not helping,” Lilly whispers over her shoulder.
I’d been trying to ignore her. Same way I avoid looking directly at the sun. It fucking hurts. But now I take my time, allowing my gaze to travel from the pink socks on her feet, to the loose pajama pants, up to the tight, long-sleeved top that rides up every time she reaches for something, giving me a glimpse of skin.
She’s got her hair piled into a messy knot on the top of her head and I have the strongest urge to grab it, tilt her head, and kiss her neck.
Stop.
The blender whirs to life and Chance jumps up, dancing on his toes while Lilly shakes her butt from side to side. It’s a cute little morning ritual they obviously do often.
I stand and watch as she pours a sippy-cup full of the thick green beverage she just whirled together and hands it to Chance. He happily takes it and trots out to the dining table.
“Do you want half?” Lilly asks, holding the pitcher in the air.
“What is it?”
“Green smoothie.” She lowers her voice to a whisper. “It’s the only way I get any greens in him. Mostly spinach and kale, a banana, almond milk…”
“Sounds gross.”
She shrugs, pours the rest in a large mason jar and pops a straw in it. “Scrambled eggs okay?”
Now I feel shitty for insulting her green drink-thing. “You don’t have to cook for me, Lilly. I know how to feed myself.”
“I’m making us breakfast anyway. It’s not a big deal.”
“Oh. Yeah, that’s fine.”
Standing around with nothing to do makes me restless. Plus, watching her suck on that straw is giving my cock all sorts of inappropriate ideas.
“You mind if I make coffee?”
“I’m out of coffee.”
“You have kale but no coffee?”
“Chance doesn’t drink coffee.”
She says it in a matter-of-fact way, but it hits me hard. Our son’s needs come first. “I can pick up some for you later,” I offer.
She nods but doesn’t say anything. A quick glance shows me she’s trembling all over.
“Hey.” I walk up behind her and grab her arms, guiding her to set down the spatula in her hands. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I don’t know what to do here.”
“Neither do I.”
“I’m sorry.”
I turn her to face me, but she won’t meet my eyes at first. Placing my finger under her chin, I gently tip her head back. “Lilly, look at me.”
Finally, she does. A mixture of emotion shines up. Guilt-which I can’t even take any pleasure in. Fear—which I hate. Uncertainty.
“I just want to spend time with him, Lilly.”
“I know.”
“Your eggs are gonna burn.” I lift my chin toward the stove.
“Oh!” She whips around and stirs the eggs.
I peer through the window over the bar area that looks out into the rest of the house. “You need anything, Chance?”
“Eggs!”
“Coming right up,” Lilly calls out.
She slides toast onto a small plate of eggs and hands it to me.
“I hope you have more eggs. I eat way more than that.”
Her face falls. “That’s for Chance.”
“I’m kidding.”
Then I do the stupidest thing possible under the circumstances—lean in and kiss her forehead.
She stares at me and my smooth is completely shaken because I back out of the kitchen without saying anything cocky or otherwise.
“Here you go, little man.” I set the plate in front of him.
“Are you eating?” he asks.
I take the chair across from him because I’m not risking going back in the kitchen with Lilly. There’s a convenience store not that far away. I can go grab breakfast there. Maybe Chan
ce will want to come with me again.
Lilly brushes against my side and sets a plate of eggs and toast in front of me. She sets a small bowl of strawberries in front of Chance and he attacks them immediately.
Finally, she sets her own plate down and sits next to Chance.
“So, what are your plans today?” she asks without looking at me.
“Swing!” Chance waves his arms back and forth.
