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“You’re hurting me,” I whimper, trying to tug my hand away. His strength is a force to be reckoned with, and I know he’ll only release me when he wants to.
It takes a moment for the haze around his head to clear, but as soon as it does, I wish I’d never said anything. He releases my hand like it’s fire and turns on me so fast I take a protective step back, my back colliding with the tile.
With clenched teeth, he sneers, “Get the fuck out of here, and go get dressed.”
Tears spring in my eyes, and disappointment builds in my chest.
“I… I’m sorry. I didn’t… I don’t…”
Julian’s hand clenches into a fist down at his side, and fear slithers through me. Is he going to hit me?
“Even looking fear in the eyes, even after I told you to leave, you still stand here.” Leaning forward, he curls his lip and snarls, “Get out.”
I don’t think or try to explain myself. I rush from the shower, nearly slipping on the tile in my haste to get away. The bedroom is no better for me because I’m reminded that I’ll be in bed with him very soon. Scurrying into the closet, I try and keep my fear and the tears at bay, but they refuse to be pushed down. I drop my nightgown twice before pulling it on, and it takes me forever to balance while putting my panties on.
My heart clenches in my chest, and I don’t understand why. Why am I so upset that he pushed me away? Why does it bother me at all? Deep down, I know it’s because I wanted to bring him pleasure… I wanted to show him that I know what I’m doing, but all I did was anger him and make a mockery out of myself.
Stepping out of the closet, I walk to the bed and wipe my eyes, willing the tears away.
This night was going so great, and then I screwed it all up. Is he going to punish me for disobeying him? I tried to explain that I don’t know what I’m doing, but he didn’t want to hear it.
The water shuts off in the bathroom, and the room falls into an eerie silence. The calm before the storm, you could say. Perched on the bed, I crawl beneath the covers as if they could save me from his wrath. Tears glisten in my eyes, and I lick my dry lips.
I stare at the door for a long time, watching, anticipating. He appears in the doorway with a towel slung over his hips, which he drops to the ground when he reaches the bed.
I know I shouldn’t say anything, that it’s ignorant to even consider opening my mouth right now, but I can’t help it. No, I didn’t pick him as my husband, and I was bought from my father, like cattle, but he will be my husband. I have to live with this man for the rest of my life, and I can’t do it constantly being afraid.
“I’m sorry, Julian. I don’t know…” I try not to show how broken up over this I am, but that’s harder to conceal. Standing bare-ass naked, he looks at me with barely kept disdain. Like I’m a pesky little bug.
“Stop with the tears. Remember what I told you earlier… your fears make me want to fuck you, and if you thought I was hurting your delicate little hand a short while ago, then you’ll be in for the surprise of a lifetime come our wedding night. I won’t just hurt you… I’ll make you bleed, my naive little wife.” The evil grin he gives me promises pain, and I shiver under his inspecting eyes, wishing he never asked me to touch him. This is his fault, and yet I silently sob as he climbs into the bed and shuts the lights off.
I’m marrying a monster, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.10JulianI’ve always known what kind of person I am, a ruthless, cruel, selfish bastard who only cares about power and revenge. There has been a darkness deep inside of me for as long as I can remember, but that darkness was always held at bay by my mother. She was the one good thing in my life, the one person who loved me no matter how fucked up I was.
The day she died, the evil inside of me spread like a fucking cancer, and it hasn’t stopped growing since. There are times when I think that’s all that is left. Darkness is the only thing remaining, it’s all I am and all I’ll ever be. Today, I have my doubts about that theory, because right now, I’m feeling something I haven’t in a very long time… remorse.
Elena is sleeping in my arms, her body curled up into itself, trying to get away from me even in her sleep. As she should be.
