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“Later, in the village, I heard Cassia talking with that boy about the Pilot, and about you. She wanted to follow you, and that’s when I first thought you might be the Pilot. I thought Cassia knew that you were the Pilot, but that she was keeping it a secret from me. ”
Indie laughs. “Later I realized that she wasn’t lying to me. She hadn’t told me that you were the Pilot because she hadn’t realized it herself. ”
“She’s right. ” I say it again. “I’m not. ”
Indie shakes her head dismissively. “Fine. But what about the red tablet?”
“What do you mean?”
“It doesn’t work on you, does it?” she asks.
I don’t answer but she knows.
“It doesn’t work on me, either,” she says. “And I bet it doesn’t work on Xander. ” She doesn’t wait for me to confirm or deny. “I think some of us are special. The Rising has chosen us somehow. Why else would we be immune?” Her voice is eager and again I know how she feels. To go from discarded to chosen—it’s what all Aberrations want.
“If we are, the Rising didn’t do anything to save us when the Society sent us out here,” I remind her.
Indie looks at me scornfully. “Why should they?” she says. “If we can’t find our way to them on our own, we shouldn’t be part of the rebellion. ” She lifts her chin. “I can’t tell exactly what the map says, but I know it tells us how to get to the Rising. It’s like my mother said it would be. That black spot is the ocean. Where the words are—that’s an island. We just have to get there. And I found the map. Not Cassia. ”
“You’re jealous of her,” I say. “Is that why you let her take the blue tablet?”
“No. ” Indie sounds surprised. “I didn’t see her take it. I would have stopped her. I didn’t want her to die. ”
“You’re willing to leave her here. And Eli. ”
“It’s not the same thing,” Indie says. “The Society will find her and take her back where she belongs. She’ll be fine. Eli too. He’s so young. It must have been a mistake that he ended up out here. ”
“And what if it’s not?” I ask.
She sends me a long, searching look. “You’ve left people and run away. Don’t act like you don’t understand. ”
“I’m not going to leave her,” I say.
“I didn’t think you would,” Indie says. But she’s not defeated. “That’s partly why I gave you the scrap about Xander’s secret. To remind you, if it came to this. ”
“Remind me of what?”
Indie smiles. “That you’re going to be a part of the Rising one way or another. You don’t want to run and come with me. Fine. But you’re still going to be part of the Rising no matter what. ” She reaches for the miniport and I let her take it. “You’ll join because you want Cassia and it’s what she wants to do. ”
I shake my head. No.
“Don’t you think it would be better for you to be part of the Rising?” Indie says bluntly. “The leader, even? Otherwise, why would she choose you when she could have Xander?”
Why would Cassia choose me?
Predicted occupations: nutrition disposal worker, decoy villager.
Predicted chance of success: Not applicable to Aberrations.
Predicted life span: 17. Sent to die in the Outer Provinces.
Cassia would argue that she doesn’t see me the way the Society sees me. She’d say their list didn’t matter.
And to her it doesn’t. That’s part of why I love her.
But I don’t think she would choose me if she knew Xander’s secret. Indie gave me the scrap because she wanted to play on my insecurities about Cassia and Xander. But that paper—and the secret—mean even more than Indie guesses.
Something must show in my face—the truth of what Indie’s said. Her eyes widen and I can almost see her thoughts settling into place: My reluctance to join the Rising. Xander’s face on the microcard. Indie’s own obsession with him and with finding the rebellion. In the whirling, determined kaleidoscope of Indie’s bright, peculiar mind, these pieces make a picture that shows her the truth.
“That’s it,” she says, her voice certain. “You can’t let her go to the Rising without you or you might lose her. ” She smiles. “Because that’s the secret: Xander is part of the Rising. ”
It was the week before the Match Banquet.
They found me walking home and said, “Aren’t you tired of losing, wouldn’t you like to win, wouldn’t you like to join us, with us you could win. ” I told them no. I said I’d seen how they lost and I’d rather lose my own way.
Xander found me the next evening. I was out in the front yard planting newroses in Patrick and Aida’s flower bed. He stood next to me and smiled and acted as though we were talking about something common and everyday.
“Did you join?” he asked.
“Join what?” I asked Xander. I wiped the sweat from my face. Back then I liked digging. I had no idea how much I’d have to do later.
Xander bent down and pretended to help me. “The rebellion,” he said quietly. “Against the Society. Someone approached me this week. You’re part of it, too, aren’t you?”
“No,” I told Xander.
His eyes widened. “I thought you would be. I was sure of it. ”
I shook my head.
