AllFreeNovel
Share Us
However, if the Academy insisted we couldn’t have one girl on an all guy team for whatever reason, maybe...if it was our only solution. “We’d still be near their team?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I’m not sure how it would work. I might...I might have to talk to my mom about letting you stay with us. I would have to tell her more…then I’ve already told her.”
I assumed he meant my family situation and how I didn’t live at home anymore. “I couldn’t stay with Nathan?”
“How would it look if we claimed to be a couple team and a manager was coming around to check on us?” he asked. “We’re still underage. We’d have to have my mom confirm it’s okay and supervise us. Besides, I wasn’t sure you’d want to.”
This was so complicated, and it felt like I was betraying the guys just by thinking about it. It must have been what the other guys had gone through, considering their options: leaving the Academy, the thing they loved or splitting from the team they loved, just to keep me.
“Or,” I said softly. “Or, I opt out of joining.”
Kota’s hand smoothed down to my lower back. “I’ve been trying to warn you.”
I nodded, realizing how long he’d fought the idea of letting me inside the Academy. The Academy promised so much, a future, a place to belong, a feeling of being important as we helped our families and our communities. I’d thought it was the only way to really be a part of the team.
But Kota had been right all along. Bringing me in forced me to see that I was risking splitting their team, not to mention the dangerous situations I could be put into. Kota hadn’t begged me to give up the idea of joining the Academy because he didn’t think I could do it. He was doing it to keep me safe. He knew if I remained on the outside, we’d never have to defend our team to the Academy.
Was I willing to give up my chance at the Academy, at this thing that they all loved, a place I could belong? Would I be able to ignore it when the boys disappeared into the night, unable to ask what was going on? Could I live through years and years of them coming home with baffling scars and broken bones, without asking questions?
“I can’t tell you what to do,” Kota said. “All teams have mutual agreement that we’re together and everyone wants to be in. However, the way they question us...they have ways to ensure we’re making the right choice for us, forcing us to look at every nook and cranny, every little skeleton in the closet. They strip us bare to expose our doubts and fears about our team members.”
I bit the tip of my tongue, wondering if that was what that exit interview was like. Maybe that was what they were worried about. They’d ask me questions from many different angles. If I wasn’t sure that this was the best answer for us, then that doubt would come to the surface and the Academy might ask me to try something else.
He rubbed my spine slowly. “Sang, you’re not the only one who has to be sure. I know Mr. Blackbourne has ideas about you joining, but I’m afraid he just sees all your potential and how good you could be for the Academy, but not how we would work this out.”
He was wrong. Mr. Blackbourne did have a plan, but what was holding him—all of us—back was that it involved something the guys were still unsure about. If the Academy quizzed them, would they support me joining the team regardless of what the future held? It didn’t help that we were all young and like they said, we could change our minds later.
“But if you want to be in the Academy,” he said. “No matter what, we’ll always be a team. As long as you want.”
His words warmed me through. “I want to try, Kota,” I said, still determined. “If it came down to it, I’d decline to join if I had to. Dr. Green might have been right saying it was too soon. I don’t want to split the team. We’re too...it’s too...”
He nodded, but his face was unreadable as he kept his lips pressed tightly together. I hoped he didn’t think I wasn’t picking a couple team because I didn’t want him. However, I knew the truth if the Academy questioned me about it, and how North and others had said they might not be able to take it if I split from the team. It still wouldn’t work.
I reached for him, desperate make him understand. I touched his cheek, looking straight into his eyes. “I need you to promise me you’ll do whatever you can to keep all of us together, though. All of us. You, me...”
In my head, I was gearing up to tell him why. I just needed him to make the promise first.
I was leaning into him, my hand on his face, so close.
His eyes dropped to my lips.
I lost everything in my brain the instant his eyes lowered. I was familiar with this look now. The guys did it just before they kissed me.
Only, Kota wouldn’t move. Everything in him stilled, his lips slightly parted like he was ready, but it was like he didn’t dare lean in.
The stupid rule. He was still holding to it. The others had jumped in, willing to break that rule.
Maybe he still assumed I didn’t know about it. He’d been waiting for me.
I leaned in. My face was on fire. My nerves shook. It was a little strange to be the first to kiss, but I knew as soon as I did so, he could and I wanted to get to that point.
My lips brushed his very softly. How far did I have to move in before it counted?
Suddenly there were footsteps and voices.
We pulled apart, glancing at each other with wide eyes. He looked over my head, and then I pulled away a little more so I could lean back and see what was going on.
A small group of girls and guys were walking along the path, heading from where I assumed the cabins were toward the latrines.
They passed by, waved to us. We waved back, although my heart was still thundering a mile a minute. Had they seen who we were? What we’d been doing? I didn’t recognize any of them but their faces were shadowed.
Soon they were gone and I breathed out a slow breath. I looked at him sheepishly. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t know why. It feels like...school? Like we’re not supposed to...”
“I know,” he said and smiled. “I pulled away, too.”
He had. “Were you worried it was Mr. Blackbourne?” I asked, assuming he was thinking about the rule and worried he’d get into trouble.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
I blushed, realizing I’d let slip what I knew. “Because...because you’re not supposed to...there’s a rule...” How had the others put it? I covered my mouth with my hand. “Sorry,” I said. “I found out about it. The others told me about how I was supposed to...” I stopped, realizing if I said more, it would come out that I had been kissing the other guys, not what I wanted to bring up right now.
Kota remained still for the longest moment. I couldn’t speak and held my breath waiting for him to say something, anything. My heart raced and my entire face felt so hot. I was sure he could reach into my brain and would simply know the truth.
He frowned and reached out, drawing my hand my hand from my mouth. I was trying to come up with some quick explanation, but I never got the chance to say anything before he tugged me forward.
And his lips met mine.
I don’t know what I was anticipating for a kiss, but in that moment, I was relieved. Memories flooded in my brain of all the times he’d gotten so close, how he’d looked at my lips, how he kissed my cheek.
All the times he’d tried to encourage me, being so pati
ent, waiting for me to make that move.
It took me a moment to realize I wasn’t moving my lips at all. He remained still. Slowly, he started to back away.
My hands fluttered up, finding his chest, and I clutched at his sweater. I responded, parting my lips, brushing them against his.
A long sigh escaped his mouth and his lips returned fully, kissing me in return. His warm hands slid up my neck, and he held my jaw with a steady hold. His glasses occasionally pressed against my cheek as he turned his head to kiss me.
His kiss was fresh air and relief. There was a strength behind it, the sort I felt when he was nearby and made me feel brave simply being around.
He stopped, leaned away from me and breathed out slowly, looking at me through slightly smudged glasses. “One,” he said quietly.
I didn’t understand and was about to ask when he leaned in again, giving me a short, gentle kiss, parting my lips, sucking a little on my lower one. I still had my eyes closed when I heard him whisper, “Two...”
He was counting our kisses from the very first.
We continued and he occasionally whispered numbers under his breath, making me smile. I held onto his shoulders, feeling the muscles, remembering how strong he really was. I breathed in the sweet spice over and over. My insides warmed. All I wanted was to stay there for as long as possible and kiss him.
At number seven, he finally pulled back a little. The smile on his face was wide, his cheeks red. “There were times I thought it would never happen,” he said.
My cheeks burned and I was sure they were as red as his. “It took me a while to learn what the rule was. I thought it was like the Academy wouldn’t allow you and then I found out it would cost you a favor.”
“I would have given them all up,” Kota said. “But I didn’t have any left. I didn’t want to ask Mr. Blackbourne for any more than I’d already borrowed.”
I thought of some of the others. Had someone said they had some left? “Why? Why are you so low?”
