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“Fine. But you’re not coming in.” I swallow hard. I want him taking me home, walking me to the door, escorting me to my bed.
Joining me.
Fucking my brains out.
Usually I’m okay with some of that. But not right now.
I need all of it. All of him. All his love and affection and tenderness.
He has so much to give.
I know it.
Even if he doesn’t.
I keep my back to him as he pulls out his cell and calls a ride share.
“Three minutes.” His voice is soft. “You’re shivering.”
I shake my head. Maybe it’s cool this late, but I don’t feel it. Not with my heart pounding against my chest. Not with him this close.
He slides his jacket off his shoulders then drapes it over mine.
I force myself to turn, but I can’t bring myself to look him in the eyes.
He brushes a stray hair behind my ear then he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into a close, tight hug.
We stay like that for all three minutes. Until a car stops and a voice calls out, “Ryan?”
Ryan pulls away to nod. He opens the backseat for me. Motions after you.
I slide inside. Ryan follows. Seatbelts click. The door locks. The driver double-checks the address. Ryan confirms.
The driver laughs. “Must have been a fun night.”
“Yeah.” Ryan’s voice is matter-of-fact.
I stare out the window to my right. Watch restaurants and office buildings blur together.
Night in Southern California is the same everywhere. The sky is a soft blue. Fluorescent yellow casts highlights and shadows over the expanse of beige sidewalks, charcoal pavement, green lawns, taupe Eucalypti branches.
Light, barely there stars.
Bright silver moon.
r /> A sliver today. Almost nothing.
Would it be better if it was nothing? If the sky was dark?
What if I had to choose between a sliver and nothing?
My eyelids press together. My forehead sinks into the window’s cool glass. The car glides over the empty road. Slows as it turns into my neighborhood.
Stops in front of my apartment complex.
Ryan’s seatbelt clicks. His door opens.
No. I can’t let him walk me to my place. I can’t let him look at me.
