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"And it starts when you meet them. Not when you take their clothes off."
"Yeah."
"So what's easy about that? Let me tell you, as someone who's had both… casual hookups and relationships. A relationship is a lot easier if your goal is getting laid on the regular."
"Is that why you were with—"
"Alex. No. I loved him. Well, I thought I did. Now… I don't know." Her gaze shifts to the ocean. "I loved the guy I thought he was. But he wasn't that guy."
"How?"
"It's still your answer."
I don't actively think about why I do anything I do. Fucking a different woman every night is fun. It's a thrill. A challenge. A hobby even.
I leave because that's all I want.
One night. One time. No emotional attachments.
I don't hurt them.
They don't hurt me.
"I don't want anyone getting attached," I say.
"You or them?"
"Both."
"Ah." Her eyes light up with epiphany. "Dick face does have feelings."
"Don't tell anyone."
She pulls an imaginary zipper over her lips. Catches herself doing it. "Fuck, that's your gesture isn't it."
"Yeah, but—" I copy the gesture.
She laughs. Pushes herself up enough to play swat me. "Do you ever sleep with the same woman more than once?"
"Yeah. Sometimes. If I'm sure we're on the same page."
"Is that easier?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Feelings always get involved."
"And you're afraid of intimacy?"
Something twists in my gut. Something I don't like. "You're gonna have to dumb that down for me, sunshine."
"Hmm."
"Hmm?"
"You got defensive. That must be it."
