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Minutes turned into hours. I lost track of time. When my back and shoulders started aching from sitting in the same position for too long, I finally stood up and moved from my chair.
I felt eyes on me, and I ignored them.
Igor was in the room—he was always present. I wondered how much he would tell Valentin.
Turning my head to the side, I looked at him. He was already looking at me, his eyes glaring holes into my body. Igor shook his head in warning, as if telling me to put an end to this game. Because it would lead to only chaos and pain.
I stared at him blankly, only because I didn’t know how to end this—whatever it was between Viktor and me.
I didn’t know how to end this beautiful secret.
Ignoring the eyes on me, I turned off the lights and crawled in my bed. I settled deeper into my pillows and mattress and closed my eyes.
Darkness welcomed me, and I fell into a deep sleep.
Where he was waiting for me.
In all his beautiful form, smirking teasingly, his brown eyes happy—his touch gentle and soft.
I felt a touch on my cheeks, almost featherlight, but it was enough to rouse me from my slumber. Blinking my sleepy eyes, I only saw darkness.
Huh?
I touched my cheek, it wasn’t cold—it was warm and tingling, like it had just been touched.
Sitting up on my bed, I looked around the room. My lamp was the only light, but I saw nothing. The room was empty.
Shaking my head, I stared at the window, where Viktor had stood just hours ago. He was with me in my dreams, and now I could even feel this touch.
My body went limp, and I was about to turn to my side when something else caught my eyes.
On my nightstand, the pen and notepad sat there. Just where I had left them before I went to sleep.
Only difference, the notepad was opened, and on the paper, words were written in an unknown penmanship.
With trembling hands, I took the notepad and brought it closer to me.
I read the words slowly. I read them over and over again. Tracing each letter with my fingertips, I just stared at the words.
My chin wobbled, and then I smiled. A small, barely there smile, almost tearfully.
Okay, I replied in my head.
My fingers continued to trace the words.
Trust me, silent myshka.
Chapter 18
Valerie
I walked out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body before staring at the mirror. It was glossed over with steam, but I quickly wiped it with my palms, just enough for me to see my face.
It had only been three days since I met Viktor. We had talked only twice. But both times, he was able to make my dead heart beat again. Just a little harder and a little faster. The drumming of the wings of a caged bird.
My heartbeat now drummed in my ears just at the thought of him.
The lips that had not known a smile for many years were now lifted up in the corners in the smallest smile. Just at the thought of him.
I stared at my reflection for the longest time, wondering if this was only temporary.
It is. This won’t last, my mind argued with my hopeful heart. You will only get hurt in the end. You are married to Valentin. Don’t forget that.
But just a little longer…I wanted to keep feeling this way just a little longer. Just a little bit of happiness, even if it was forbidden, I wanted to feel it. Even if it was just scraps, bits of light, I would take it.
I felt alive after so long, and that unknown feeling has quickly become addicting.
After drying my hair with a towel, I combed it. My gaze was still on the mirror, still lost in my thoughts. They all pointed in the same direction.
Viktor.
Maybe the reason why I was so infatuated with him was because the attention he gave me. I have been denied gentle touches and sweet words for many years. Valentin only gave me pain. I must have been stupid and naïve; maybe that was why I fell so easily for Viktor’s attention.
Even now, I wondered what he was doing now. After last night, he disappeared, and I hadn’t caught a glimpse of him again. When Igor had left my room for a quick minute this morning, I tried to walk out of my room again, just a step out. I had paused, my chest tightening almost painfully.
But when fear started to fuel inside of me, I took that step back and closed the door, hidden yet again from the outside world.
The rules were broken; the risk of losing everything now hung on my shoulders like dark clouds.
But still, I argued with my brain. I chose to follow my heart, like a child wanting a hug, a kiss…desperate for some quiet love.
