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There were red lines covering his face. My nails really did a number on him before he stopped me. “Look. I gave you new ones. They go prettily with your scars.”
I felt him flinch, and then I felt like a bitch. I really was. A fucked-up bitch who got high on hurting others.
I opened my mouth to apologize, not really meaning the words I said before. But I couldn’t…
So instead, I sealed the deal on my bitch trophy.
Blinking, I tried so hard to focus on Nikolay’s face. He looked menacing, furious, and his lips were curled back, looking quite disgusted by my behavior.
Good. Hate me. Hate me like I hate myself.
I brought my hands up and cupped his face. “The alcohol helps me forget…” Was I slurring? My tongue was rolling around my mouth as I was trying to speak.
“Being an alcoholic won’t solve your fucking problems,” he returned.
I slapped a hand over his mouth. “Shh. Stop preaching. Let me do the talking.”
Nikolay stayed silent but was glowering. I moved over his lap, tentatively rolling my hips. His eyes widened, finally understanding what I was going for. He gripped my hips, stopping my movements. He was angry before…now he was livid.
I kept my hand over his mouth and leaned forward. “You took it away from me. How am I going to forget now?”
I heard giggling and then realized it was me. I had to blink several times, waiting for the room to stop doing the merry-go-round.
My hips tried to move again, grinding over his lap. “Are you going to make me forget, huh?”
Nikolay bit my palm, and I hissed, pulling my hand away. “What the fuck, Maddie?” he snarled in my face.
“What?” I asked, feigning innocence. Leaning forward once again, I brought our lips closer. “Kiss me. Fuck me. Make it go away. I’ll make you forget too…about her…we’ll forget all our problems.”
I really was a bitch. A stupid, stupid girl.
I wanted it to hurt less…yet I always seemed to cause myself more pain.
When my lips moved over his, he pushed me away violently. The world spun and my body tilted backward and then I was falling.
He didn’t care. He didn’t catch me.
Instead, he let me fall and stood up, pushing away from my limp body.
“You need to get some sleep. Now. I won’t let you make this mistake, and I will never ever touch you, Maddie. Is that understood? Go to sleep, and when you wake up, think about what you were about to do.”
I whimpered, my body hurting and my head aching. Every inch of me throbbed in pain, and I closed my eyes, curling into myself.
Nikolay made a frustrated sound at the back of his throat. I felt him coming closer again, and then I was being lifted into his arms, bridal style. I kept my eyes closed, feeling ashamed. And the world still seemed to be spinning, even though my eyes were closed and all I saw was darkness. How was that even possible?
“You need get your shit together, girl,” Nikolay muttered under his breath. “This is not healthy. It’s only hurting you more. And I hate to see you like this.”
I choked back a sob. This was the first time he’d ever said something so nice to me.
Maybe I really was pathetic, if Nikolay Ivanshov was showing sympathy.
He kept walking, and I stayed silent. With each breath, I hiccupped back a wounded cry trying to let itself free.
Why…why did it hurt so much?
Finally, we came to a stop, and he placed me on the bed. I felt the cool mattress underneath my body, and I curled into a ball, refusing to open my eyes and to acknowledge the horrible mistake I was about to commit.
I felt a hand on my forehead. “Go to sleep, Maddie. We won’t talk about what happened tonight. Ever. But tomorrow is a new day. And you need to put the alcohol away. Please. For your own sake.”
My chin wobbled, and the hot tears were stinging my eyes. “You need to let yourself heal,” he whispered before taking his hand away.
I heard his steps fading away until he was gone.
Silently, I let the tears spill. I cried, opening up the wounds of my soul. The tears soaked my pillows, and as the seconds ticked by, I started to fade away too.
Slowly…and slowly….
Until darkness was all I saw and felt.
The next time I woke up, I felt a warm body beside me, holding me close.
I knew instantly who it was, and the feeling of pure loathing was back. I blinked my eyes open and ignored the intense throbbing ache in my head.
Turning on my side, my body protested, my muscles hurting from sleeping in a weird position for too long, but I forced myself to face him.
His dark eyes were open, and he was staring right into my soul.
