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Iza was beside herself with worry; she couldn’t understand the drastic change in Ayla. She knew it was because of Broud’s inexplicable interest in her, but why it should have that effect was beyond the woman. She hovered over Ayla, watching her constantly, and when the young woman first began to get sick in the mornings, she was afraid that whatever evil spirit had gotten into her was gaining a greater hold.
But Iza was an experienced medicine woman. She was the first to notice when Ayla did not keep herself in the nominal isolation required of women when their totems battled, and watched her adopted daughter even closer. She could hardly believe what she suspected. But by the time another moon had passed and the summer was waxing into full heat, Iza was sure. Early one evening when Creb was away from the hearth, she beckoned to Ayla.
“I want to talk to you.”
“Yes, Iza,” Ayla replied, hauling herself up from her fur and slumping down in the dirt near the woman.
“When was the last time your totem battled, Ayla?”
“I don’t know.”
“Ayla, I want you to think about it. Have the spirits fought within you since the blossoms dropped?”
The young woman tried to think. “I’m not sure, maybe once.”
“That’s what I thought,” Iza said. “You’re getting sick in the mornings, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” she nodded. Ayla thought her sickness was because every morning that Broud wasn’t gone hunting, he was there, waiting for her, and she hated it so much, she was losing her breakfast, and sometimes her evening meal, too.
“Have your breasts felt sore?”
“A little.”
“And they’ve grown larger, too, haven’t they?”
“I think so. Why are you asking? Why all these questions?”
The woman looked at her seriously. “Ayla, I don’t know how it happened, I can hardly believe it, but I’m sure it’s true.”
“What’s true?”
“Your totem has been defeated; you are going to have a baby.”
“A baby? Me? I can’t have a baby,” Ayla protested. “My totem is too strong.”
“I know, Ayla. I can’t understand it, but you are going to have a baby,” Iza repeated.
A look of wonder crept into Ayla’s unresponsive eyes. “Can it be true! Can it really be true! Me, have a baby? Oh, mother, how wonderful!”
“Ayla, you’re not mated. I don’t think there’s a man in the clan who will take you, even as second woman. You can’t have a child without a mate, it might be unlucky,” Iza motioned earnestly. “It would be best to take something to lose it. I think mistletoe would be best. You know, the plant with the small white berries that grows high in the oak. It’s very effective and, if properly handled, not too dangerous. I’ll make you a tea of the leaves with just a few berries. It will help your totem expel the new life. It will make you a little sick, but …”
“No! No!” Ayla was shaking her head vigorously. “Iza, no. I don’t want to take mistletoe. I don’t want to take anything to lose it. I want a baby, mother. I’ve wanted one ever since Uba was born. I never thought it would be possible.”
“But Ayla, what if the baby is unlucky? It might even be deformed.”
“It won’t be unlucky, I won’t let it. I promise, I’ll take good care of myself so it will be healthy. Didn’t you say a strong totem helps to make a healthy baby once it succumbs? And I’ll take good care of it after it’s born, I won’t let anything happen. Iza, I’ve got to have this baby. Don’t you see? My totem may never be defeated again. This may be my only chance.”
Iza looked into the pleading eyes of the young woman. It was the first spark of life she had seen since the day Broud beat her while she was out hunting. She knew she should insist that Ayla take the medicine; it wasn’t right for an unmated woman to give birth if it could be helped. But Ayla wanted the baby so desperately, she might go into a worse depression if she was made to give it up. And maybe she was right—it might be her only chance.
“All right, Ayla,” she acquiesced. “If you want it so much. It would be best not to mention it to anyone yet; they’ll know soon enough.”
“Oh, Iza,” she said, and gave the woman a hug. As the miracle of her impossible pregnancy filled her, a smile danced across her face. She jumped up, charged with energy. She couldn’t sit still, she just had to do something.
“Mother, what are you cooking tonight? Let me help.”
“Aurochs stew,” the woman replied, amazed at the sudden transformation in the young woman. “You can cut up the meat if you want.”
As the two women worked, Iza realized she had almost forgotten what a joy Ayla could be. Their hands flew, talking and working, and Ayla’s interest in medicine suddenly returned.
“I didn’t know about mistletoe, mother,” Ayla remarked. “I know about ergot and sweet rush, but I didn’t know mistletoe could make a woman lose a baby.”
“There will always be some things I haven’t told you about, Ayla, but you’ll know enough. And you know how to test; you will always be able to keep learning. Tansy will work, too, but it can be more dangerous than mistletoe. You use the whole plant—flowers, leaves, roots—and boil it. If you fill the water up to here,” Iza pointed to a mark on the side of one of her medicine bowls, “and boil it down to a cup this size,” Iza held up a bone cup, “it should be about right. One cup is usually enough. Chrysanthemum flowers sometimes work. It’s not as dangerous as mistletoe or tansy, but not always effective, either.”
“That would be better for women who tend to lose babies easily. It’s better to use something milder if it will work—less dangerous.”
“That’s right. And Ayla, there’s something else you should know about.” Iza looked around to make sure Creb was still gone. “No man must ever learn of this; it is a secret known only to medicine women, and not all of them know it. It’s best not even to tell a woman. If her mate asked her, she’d have to tell him. No one will ask a medicine woman. If a man ever found out, he would forbid it. Do you understand?”
“Yes, mother,” Ayla nodded, surprised at Iza’s secrecy and very curious.
“I didn’t think you’d ever need to know this for yourself, but you should know it as a medicine woman anyway. Sometimes, if a woman has a very difficult birth, it’s best if she never has any more children. A medicine woman can give her the medicine without ever telling her what it is. There are other reasons that a woman might not want a child. Some plants have special magic, Ayla. They make a woman’s totem very strong, strong enough to stop a new life from ever starting.”
“You know magic to prevent pregnancy, Iza? Can a weak woman’s totem become that strong? Any totem? Even if a mog-ur makes a charm to give strength to a man’s totem?”
“Yes, Ayla. That’s why a man must never find out. I used it myself after I was mated. I didn’t like my mate; I wanted him to give me to another man. I thought if I never had children, he wouldn’t want to keep me,” Iza confessed.
“But you did have a child. You had Uba.”
“Maybe after a long time the magic loses strength. Maybe my totem didn’t want to fight anymore, maybe he wanted me to have a child. I don’t know. Nothing works all the time. There are forces stronger than any magic, but it worked for many years. No one understands spirits completely, not even Mog-ur. Who would have thought your totem could be defeated, Ayla?” The medicine woman glanced around quickly. “Now, before Creb comes, you know the little yellow vine with tiny leaves and flowers?”
