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Feeling a little uneasy, I find myself unsure of how to respond. “Um, thanks.”
Jared doesn’t say a word and doesn’t elaborate any more on the topic.
Wes’s shoulders sag a bit when it becomes clear that he’s not getting any further explanation. “See you around, London.”
“Bye,” I reply as Jared pulls me through the kitchen toward the front door, not giving me time to say much else.
“Mom, we’re leaving!” Jared calls up the stairs.
Julie walks to the top of the landing of the split-level stairs and frowns. “I’m sorry your dad didn’t get to hear about the game. I’ll tell him all about it for you when he calls.”
“Let me know what he says after he finds out we ran all over Ole Miss last night. He’ll get a kick out of that.”
She smiles. “I will. You two have a safe ride back to school, and I’ll call you tomorrow while I’m at work at the shop, Jared, and let you know what Dad said.”
NOW
LONDON
Sitting down for dinner in this house hasn’t felt the same in the last few years. It’s not that I don’t like Dad’s new wife, or that I’m not appreciative of how happy she makes him, but it doesn’t feel like home to me anymore. Sylvia is nice and has always treated me very well, but it’s a definite fact that she’s the most important woman in Dad’s life now.
From the moment she moved in, she started changing things around in the house to suit her tastes. For instance, Mom always kept the silverware in the drawer next to the sink because she liked to hand wash the dishes since she didn’t trust that the dishwasher got them clean enough, whereas Sylvia feels the silverware should go on the other side of the dishwasher because that’s why she has the appliance—to make life easy. It’s almost as if Dad went out and found the polar opposite of Mom.
I so want to tell Sylvia that life isn’t easy—that it’s hard—and she doesn’t have to pretend it is around me. I’ve been through so much, so I can personally attest to the fact that, even when things seem easy, at any moment they can blow up in your face and prove once again just how shitty life can be and how we’re meant to struggle on this earth. It’s better to not try and pretend things are any other way.
“London, honey, will you pass the peas?” Sylvia asks from across the table with a smile on her face.
I do as she asks and still find myself deep in thought about Mom. I wish she was here. It would be nice to be able to talk to her about things going on in my life.
“You okay, sweetie?” Dad’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts as I continue to push the pile of peas around on my plate with my fork, just as I did when I was a kid.
I glance up and make eye contact with him. “I’m fine. Just thinking.”
Dad nods, while his hazel eyes linger on me. “About Wes?”
“No. Not about him.” My voice comes out in a hushed tone.
It’s hard for me to talk about Wes. Every time I think about him, it reminds me of how awful I’ve been to him lately. I’ve done my best to ignore him, but he keeps sending candy from his mother’s shop. It’s like he wants to keep himself at the forefront of my mind. Wes wants things to work out between us so badly, but deep down I know I won’t ever get past the fact that he’s the brother of the man I once loved with every piece of my heart.
I should never have gotten involved with Wes, but it was so easy to allow myself to believe the charade that I could get over Jared by being with Wes. Being with Wes was comfortable—easy—because I had known him just as long as I had known Jared.
“I spoke to Julie the other day. I know you and Wes were only married a few months, but he’s taking the split hard,” Dad tells me.
I sit there silently. I’m not sure what he expects me to say. I understand that I’m the cause of Wes’s pain, but I also know there’s no simple way to fix what I’ve put him through. It’s not like he was blind to the situation when he got involved with me. He knew I was broken. He knew I was already having a hard time getting over Jared and moving on. He knew there was a great possibility that us being together would never work, yet he was willing to try anyway.
That was a mistake.
We both knew how hard it would be to be together, but at the time the chance of finding happiness—and, God, did I want that—outweighed the probable dark future that lay ahead of us once we started down that path.
“When have you spoken to him last?” I close my eyes and take a deep breath and will myself not to cry as Dad keeps questioning me about Wes.
I feel bad enough already. Dad trying to pry and point out the obvious isn’t helping. Wes wants more than I’m able to give him.
“London?” I open my eyes at the sound of Dad’s voice.
“I haven’t spoken to him in over a month. I think it’s best if we keep our distance for a while.”
Dad’s gaze flicks over to Sylvia, and her typical bright smile turns into a frown. It only takes a moment, but I can tell the expression they share between them means they’re worried about something.
