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31
Claire
I wake wrapped up in Lucca’s embrace, feeling like I didn’t sleep at all. I’m tired and sore. If I didn’t have classes, I would stay in bed all day.
After we had sex, he tended to me, and part of me thought he was remorseful, though he didn’t apologize. He held me in his arms, and I fell asleep to the sound of his breathing.
The pleasure he brought me was intense, but the pain. It was… unexpected. I’m a little confused by last night, but one thing is clear, whatever it was, it brought us together more. I could feel his walls come down, feel him opening up to me. He let the beast inside of him out to play. I just didn’t know he was going to play this rough.
Stretching my stiff limbs, I try to untangle myself from Lucca so I can get up.
“Where are you going?” he asks, his voice deep.
“Bathroom, and then I need to get something to eat. I have class at nine,” I whisper. My inside still feels like they have been rearranged, and in a lot of ways, they have been.
Lucca props himself up to his elbow. “Shit. Okay. I’ll take you, of course. I’ve got to do some grocery shopping too, so I’ll do that while you’re in class.”
“Sounds good.” I yawn, stretching my arms above my head.
“Are you okay?” he asks almost shyly as I stand from the bed.
“Yes.” I give him a reassuring smile. “I promise, I’m fine. Just a little sore.”
“You know, I would never hurt you on purpose. Last night was…” He pauses, and I have a million words I could use to fill in the blanks. “It had to happen, was going to happen. There’s no way to go back in time. But next time we have sex, it will be better. I lost control, but now I’ll be prepared.”
Just thinking about having sex again has my thighs clenching together and my nipples tightening. Even feeling raw and bruised, I can feel the wetness building there.
“I’m gonna get breakfast started,” I say, trying to distract myself.
“I’ll hop in the shower really quick.” Lucca gets up, and I have to tear my eyes away from his naked body before I throw myself at him all over again.
With a smile on my face, I make my way to the kitchen, get the coffee started, and pop some bread into the toaster.
As I wait for the toast to be done, I remember how hungry I get between classes and decide to pack a couple of sandwiches. I open a few of the drawers in search of a bag or container I can use when I come across something different entirely.
A piece of paper with my name written at the top catches my eyes, and I stop to read it.
Claire,
I’m sorry, but I can’t let this go on any longer. You know I care about you, and I want to keep you safe at all costs. You are like a sister to me, and that’s the way it needs to stay…
I pause, forcing myself to look up from the paper. There is a distinct pain in the center of my chest, and something tells me it will only get worse as I keep reading. I shouldn’t be reading this anyway. He didn’t give it to me, so he must not want me to have it.
I should close the drawer and finish making breakfast.
I should… but I lower my head and keep reading.
I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’ve been seeing someone…
All the air whooshes from my lungs, and I literally feel like I got punched in the stomach. I lay my hand flat on my stomach, physically having to hold myself together. He has been seeing someone else?
Tears form in my eyes, but I blink them back. I need to be strong, and I need to read the last few words, no matter how much it will hurt. I need to know.
That’s why there can never be anything between us. Because I’m in love with someone else.
My heart shatters into a million little pieces, and the world around me goes dark. I’ve never felt so much pain in my life, not when my father beat me, not when my mother left. Nothing hurt as much as the thought of Lucca loving someone else.
One tear escapes. It leaves a cold trail down my cheek and lands on the piece of paper that turned my world upside down.
His words from last night ring in my ears.
“I warned you before that I was no good. I told you I can’t love you the way you want me to.” I thought he meant he couldn’t love anyone, but he just can’t love me.
He is in love with someone else, and I gave myself to him completely. Anger festers in the pit of my stomach. I gave him my virginity. No, he took it. He took something from me last night. Stole it right from under my nose.
