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After she died, no one called me that except Sandra, until I joined the Rangers, and Sandra only used that name when our conversations got serious or when she knew I needed it.
“Did you think you were in love with me?”
Her question made my breath catch. I knew she expected honesty, but I wasn’t sure how to answer the question. “I think I did, but I didn’t really know what that meant. The love I felt—still feel—for you is different. You’ve always supported the part of me my father never did, and you’ve never judged me, not even when I didn’t want to be part of my son’s life.” My eyes burned as I thought of the years I had lost with Lane. I’d had good reasons for making the choice I had, but I was so damn glad fate had brought me back into Lane’s life.
“I loved you,” Sandra said. “I still love you. You’re a fucking pain in the ass, but you’re a good man, and you deserve romantic love as much as you deserve the love of friendship that we’ve had for so long.”
Nothing in her words should have been a revelation, and yet I felt them deep in my chest. I felt the love we had for each other, and I understood how different it was from what I felt for Emilio. There was probably not a single other person who could’ve told me I deserved romance and gotten me to believe it, but Sandra had that power. “Thank you.”
“Oooh. More unexpected behavior. If this is what Emilio does for you, then you absolutely must keep him.”
“This is me being oddly vulnerable in the middle of the night. You should absolutely not expect to see this again.”
“Love changed Giorgio.”
“When he’s around Lane, not when he’s working.”
“You have to be a hardass when you’re working, but I know you think the special forces soldier, the vigilante, the fucking badass is who you really are. You’re wrong. The soft, caring man who likes to read and enjoys good food and good wine and cares about his family, even when they are assholes, is the real you. Emilio deserves to see him.”
“But what if he…?”
“If he’s right for you, then he’s already seen that side. Xavier, if I can see it, and I’m not the one for you, then surely he can.”
My heart pounded, and the world went dark around the edges. Could he see that? Did I want him to?
“You’re not really concerned that you can’t find a way to make a relationship work,” Sandra said. “You’re afraid it will make you too vulnerable. You hate when you’re not in control. Love isn’t something you can command, but if you give up on Emilio, if you run from him, you’ll regret it because it will mean you were a coward, and that’s even worse for you than being vulnerable.”
How did she do that? “I fucking hate you right now.”
“You hate me because I’m right.”
“You always think you’re right.”
“Correction, I’m always right, at least when it comes to you.”
I sighed. “Go to bed.”
“I was trying to when you interrupted me.”
“Tell Edward hello for me.” She’d married a man who had nothing but wealth in common with me. They were quite happy.
“Always.”
“I love you, Xavier, as a friend and as a coparent. Do the right thing. Don’t hurt this boy, or I will make sure you pay for it.”
“But you don’t even know him.”
“If he’s good enough for you, then he’s worth defending.”
“He’s worth everything.” Fuck. He was.
“Then what are you doing talking to me?”
I heard something behind me then. I drew my weapon and turned, ready to defend myself and Emilio.
Emilio stood at the bottom of the stairs. His hands shot into the air. “It’s me.”
I dropped my weapon. “I need to go now, Sandra.”
“Is everything okay?”
“It’s going to be.”
24
Emilio
When I woke up, it was still dark. I was confused at first as I felt a cool breeze flutter over me. I never slept with the windows open in the city, certainly not in the middle of winter.
I remembered I was on X’s island, in his bed. I’d fallen asleep before he joined me, but I had a vague memory of him pressing against me.
He wasn’t in bed now. I heard something and turned. No wonder I’d felt a breeze. X stood in the open balcony doorway.
“Where ya goin’?”
He stared at me for several seconds, not saying anything. I would almost say he looked nervous, but that was ridiculous. “I heard something. I’m going to check on it. Stay here.”
“But I—”
“Promise me you won’t leave this room.”
“Fine.” I sighed and flopped back down on the bed. He slipped out into the night and closed the door behind him.
I tried to go back to sleep, telling myself X was more than capable of taking care of any potential threats, but the longer he was gone, the more restless I became. I tossed and turned, finally grabbing my phone and trying to distract myself with a game. I leveled up several times, but he still hadn’t returned.
