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What if?
What if?
What if?
The words echoed in my mind as the palms of my hands tried to push the imagined sights from my eyes. I screamed into my fists, trying to muffle the sounds as my mind conjured all the possible things that could be happening to her at this very moment.
“Branford! Branford, no!”
I felt the delicate hands of my adoptive mother around my shoulders and inhaled the scent of her hair as she turned me and pulled me toward her and back to sanity. I tried to turn away, but the weakness of my mind had affected my body, too.
“They could be hurting her…killing her!” I cried. “Right now, they could be…”
“Hush,” Sunniva said as she attempted to pull me closer. “This will not help you or Alexandra.”
“But she could be hurt!”
“I know,” Sunniva said quietly. She placed her hand on the back of my head and attempted to pull me to her shoulder. I resisted at first but then dropped my forehead against her.
“Think, my son,” she whispered quietly. “I know you wish to find her now, and I know you fear for her, but your men need
sleep, and you need additional time to perfect your strategy. You will go to Alexandra in the morning.”
“I cannot wait,” I said, my voice strained.
“I know it feels that way,” she said, “but Alexandra is strong and brave. You must not go into a slaughter, my son. You can only save her if you are ready.”
“What am I supposed to do?” I pleaded with her.
“You will gather and lead your men,” Sunniva said softly. “You will remain calm, and you will encourage your army, Branford. It is the only way you can beat Hadebrand.”
“How will I, Mother?” I whispered into her hair as I finally relinquished whatever pride I was trying to maintain and just sank against her and sobbed. “How can I go on without her beside me? I cannot…I cannot even think!”
“You must,” she said quietly to me. “Alexandra is out there, and she needs you. You must keep your wits about you if you are to save her and my grandchild.”
My son.
I knew she was correct, but to be here, preparing to search for her instead of being out there, at least doing something more substantial than just…waiting was nothing less than agonizing. I would have preferred in my heart to wander the woods turning over rocks as I searched for signs of her rather than prepare myself to journey forth on the morrow after a good night’s sleep.
As if my eyes would be able to close.
Knowing there was no other way and that my men would still need their sleep if they were to go into battle tomorrow, I nodded and slowly made my way back to my own rooms.
My own, empty rooms.
I tried not to look at the wardrobe full of her gowns, the chair she favored by the fire, or the intricately carved bowl on the table next to our bed. It did not matter where my gaze fell. Signs of her were everywhere. Without bothering to remove my clothing, I lay down on the cold bed, hating the idea that I was even here without her. I knew sleep would not come.
Instead of sleeping, I stared without really seeing anything through the curtains at the wall across from the bed. My thoughts turned inward as visions of Alexandra lying next to me drifted through my head, her fingers reaching up to gently scratch the side of my face as she offered to shave me in the morning.
I likely dozed for no more than a few minutes, and my dreams—memories really—were all of her.
I lay on my side, sated from taking my wife and pleased with myself to see her face still flushed with her recent excitement. As we both calmed, I could not help but run my hand over the small mound protruding from her stomach. With the arm I had around her shoulders, I held her body tightly to me as I caressed the place where my child grew.
“What shall we name the child?” Alexandra asked quietly. She positioned her hand over mine.
“Branford,” I said without thinking. My eyes moved to hers, and I smiled a half smile. “Is it not obvious?”
Alexandra bit into her lower lip to stifle her laugh. She knew me and my pride all too well.
