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“I’ll always be yours,” I told her. “No matter how much of an ass I am, you know that, don’t you? You know even when I’m
being a fucked up asshole, I still love you, right?”
“I know, Bastian.”
I stayed inside of her, just like I always did on our island. My fingers trailed over her face, down her neck, and to her shoulder, caressing her softly until her eyes closed and her breath regulated. I lay my head on the top of the pillow above her head, and closed my eyes. Then I noticed a distinctive clicking sound, and my eyes flew back open.
There was a clock on a wall shelf in the kitchen, just over the table. I timed the clicking sound with the movements of the second hand and let out a slow breath to calm myself. I needed to fucking stop that shit, or I was never going to get any sleep.
Raine shifted under me a little, and I tightened my hold on her.
What if it wasn’t just a clock? What if this Nick fucker had only been willing to help John Paul in order to get to me or to her? What if he worked for Franks? What if people who did work for Franks found out where we were staying? It wasn’t just me I had to worry about – I needed to think about Raine.
I felt possessive, protective, and paranoid. How the fuck was I going to deal with other people around her? I didn’t even like this Nick guy getting too close. I didn’t trust him. I didn’t trust anybody. I had told Raine way too much, and I was pretty sure I had only told her because I hadn’t expected us to survive. She was in danger now, too.
A car passed by the house, and the sound of the engine freaked me out for a moment before I realized what it was. I tucked Raine’s sleeping form under me a little more securely, wrapping my arm around her head and holding her to my chest. I raised my own head up a bit, analyzed the room for the twentieth time and then focused back on the front door. Another car went by, and I felt myself tense again. Nick walked back out of his room again, heading for the bathroom. He didn’t look in our direction, which I thought was a little odd. Why wouldn’t he look over to us? Wouldn’t that be a more normal reaction? He knew we could be over here fucking – wouldn’t most people try to catch a peek?
When he came back out, I was more alert, watching him intently and holding Raine tightly underneath me. Nick’s eye caught mine, and I saw him recoil a little. His eyes softened then, and he raised both his hands up in front of his chest, palms out, in a clear “I’m unarmed” gesture. He kept them like that until he was back in his own room, and the door closed.
Back to paranoia.
It was certainly one of the reasons I drank and one of the reasons I didn’t spend any time with other people. After spending years fighting for my life in a very real sense, nighttime was often a little nerve-wracking for me. I hadn’t thought of it for some time, since The Oblation, the raft, and the island had all been very small, enclosed areas, where I was all right. However, open areas – which were naturally more difficult to defend – tended to make me nervous. The more people that were around, the more nervous I became until I blew up at someone.
I wondered if there was anything to drink around here. I hadn’t seen anything – not even a fucking wine rack. For better or worse, the one thing I wasn’t going to do was leave Raine long enough to go searching for a bottle of something. Maybe in the morning.
The refrigerator kicked on right about that time. The clock ticking seemed to be louder now as well. It was a clock, wasn’t it? I was pretty sure the timing matched the clock in the kitchen, but I didn’t know for sure and wanted to investigate, but I still wasn’t about to leave Raine’s side. The night kept on like that, my eyes wide open, watchful for any potential threat to the woman underneath me.
Another car passed, its lights shining into the window in the front of the house. My body tensed as the car seemed to slow, then stop, and then move on again. I raised my head, trying to determine if it was still out there, maybe with its lights off now.
“What’s wrong?” Raine’s soft voice snuck out from under me.
“Nothing,” I replied automatically, not wanting to alarm her.
“Have you slept at all?”
“Sure,” I said.
“Liar.”
I sighed and looked down into her eyes. I didn’t know how she always knew, but she always called me out on my bullshit.
“I’m just not used to it all,” I said, using my head to gesture towards the room in general.
“All of what?” she asked.
“The noise,” I told her. “The cars going by, the clock – whatever. Not used to it.”
“Are you nervous?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. There’s no way in hell I would have confirmed that for anyone else, but it was Raine asking.
“You got me, right?”
“I got you,” I assured her. I took a deep breath and closed my heavy eyelids for a moment. “You’re safe.”
“Good,” Raine said. Her hand reached up and pushed my hair off my forehead and behind my ear. I really needed a fucking haircut. John Paul had been right about being able to make a ponytail with it if I were so inclined. It still felt good when she did that, though – when she took hair off my forehead or my face and pushed it behind my ear over and over again.
She kept doing it, her fingertips just barely touching my skin. I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. My eyelids grew heavy as her fingers stroked over my skin. I settled my head against her shoulder, and the next thing I knew, the sneaky thing had put me to sleep.
