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None of this was right. It couldn’t be. Remington was gone, and I understood he wasn’t coming back. But what I couldn’t understand was how he could think it was okay for me to move on. How he thought Luca would be the perfect one to do that with.
Didn’t he worry that Luca would hurt me again?
What if Luca broke my heart again? There would be no Remington there to make it better this time. There would be no way I could move on after that. Not when it was more than just my heart that would be on the line. I had my baby girl to think about, and I couldn’t risk Luca breaking her heart too.
The sun was coming up when I angrily got dressed and went downstairs. I felt suffocated, so I walked out onto the porch, but that
didn’t help, so I started walking. Krush followed me, exploring along the way and barking every now and then.
I didn’t know how long we walked, but eventually I had to stop because the exhaustion from not sleeping caught up with me. Cursing myself for being so careless, I sat down on the cold ground and watched Krush chase a squirrel up a tree. It was chilly out, but I’d put on my coat before leaving the house.
“Violet!”
I lifted my head at the sound of Luca’s shout and found him jogging toward me. I was too tired to stand, so I just stayed where I was and waited for him to reach me. Sweat was pouring off him as he dropped down beside me on his knees and cupped my face.
“Don’t you ever do that to me again,” he groaned, pressing his forehead to mine. “I couldn’t find you or Krush anywhere. I thought…” He swallowed hard and whispered, “I thought you left me.”
Pulling back, I glanced over at Krush still messing around with the squirrel so I didn’t have to look at Luca. “I just needed some air.”
“What’s wrong?” He grasped my chin between his thumb and index finger and turned my head so I had to look at him. “Baby, talk to me. Tell me what you need me to do. Last night… I know you need time. I’m not trying to rush you. I just want to be near you.”
“Why?” I couldn’t help but ask.
His eyes darkened. “With the ‘why’ again, babe?”
“I need to know,” I whispered. “Do you need to be near me because you promised Remington or because you can’t stand to be away from me?”
“You already know the answer to that, Violet. You’re just too scared to let yourself believe it.” Standing, he bent and lifted me into his arms. “Have you even slept? Huh? You looked like a ghost sitting there.”
“Stop yelling at me,” I mumbled. But the lack of sleep and the long walk were already catching up with me. Holding on to his shoulders as he walked back toward his house, I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes.
Sometime later, I felt him laying me on the bed, but when he started to straighten, I tightened my arms around his neck. “Don’t go,” I whispered sleepily. “I can’t sleep without you.”
“Why didn’t you say so?” he scolded gently. “I slept like shit without you last night, Vi.” He kicked off his shoes and crawled beneath the covers with me. “All you have to do is tell me what you want, and I’ll make it happen, babe.”
Now that I felt safe and warm with him wrapped around me, sleep started to consume me once again. “I don’t know what I want anymore,” I whispered. “I’m so confused.”
“I know, baby. But we have all the time in the world for you to figure it out.” I felt him kiss the back of my head and let my eyes drift closed. “I’m not going anywhere. Not without you.”
Chapter 50
Luca
Our argument from the first night and morning after in West Bridge wasn’t brought up again, but Violet did begin to relax a little more. She started to smile more often without the guilt filling her beautiful face. I guess she realized it was okay to smile and laugh without it being disloyal to Remington’s memory.
We hadn’t talked about how long we would stay in Tennessee, but when one week turned into two, and then two turned into almost a month, I had to bring up the option of staying for a while longer because my spring training camp was coming up sooner rather than later. Not to mention, she needed to figure out if she was going back to Santa Monica for her next appointment or if we should find her a doctor closer to us for the moment.
“If Krush and I are in your way, I’ll go home,” she said over dinner when I brought it up the first week of April.
Frustrated, I glared at her. “That’s not what I meant. I’m just trying to figure everything out for our schedules. I have training camp, and you need to continue your prenatal care.” She just sat there staring at me like she didn’t know how to answer, so I went for broke and told her what I would like for us to do. “I don’t want to be away from you for camp. If we stay, I can be here every evening, and I’m sure Annabelle will be able to recommend the best OB-GYN in Nashville to take over your care. Her son-in-law is a cardiologist after all, and Mieke just had another baby, so we could probably get in with her doctor without an issue.”
“Okay,” she said after a few tense moments of just staring at me. “And I guess I need to sign up for birthing classes.” She bit her lip. “Shaw was supposed to take them with me and Remi. She is Love Bug’s godmother. But she’s so busy right now with work, I don’t want to bother her.”
“I’ve already been looking into classes. There’s one that starts next week, so if you’re on board with staying for my training camp, I’ll get us into it,” I informed her, and her eyes widened. “What?”
“Nothing,” she muttered and picked up her fork and knife to cut into her grilled chicken.
“Well?” When her purple eyes met mine with a question in them, I laughed. “The class, babe. Can I sign us up or not?”
