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At home, I changed into a pair of jeans and a hoodie in my room, then walked downstairs. On the last step, I sat and waited. Shaw still had my phone, but she was right. I didn’t need to continue to tear myself apart by looking at that crap over and over again.
I was exhausted after little to no sleep the night before, and I leaned my head back against the wall as I waited for the doorbell to ring. When it did, I clenched my eyes closed and took a fortifying breath before forcing myself to stand and walk to the door.
When I opened it, Luca stood on the other side. His eyes were bloodshot and bleak, the brown having turned to a hazel color that was almost green. I hated when they were that color because I knew how much pain he must have been in for his eyes to change so drastically. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, tell him it was going to be okay, but for once, I couldn’t do it.
He was in pain because of what he’d done. Not just to himself, because I could smell the booze on him and knew from Shaw that he had a hell of a hangover. But to me. He had effortlessly eviscerated me, and all because his feelings were hurt over something as trivial as not telling him “happy birthday.”
I knew he could be vindictive, and I’d overlooked it more times than I could remember throughout the years. But he’d never once been spiteful to me.
If someone had asked me just twenty-four hours ago if I thought Luca and I could survive anything, I would have told them without hesitation that of course we could. We loved each other. We were soul mates. And we were so damn lucky because we found each other early in life and we got to spend our entire lives together.
Now, after seeing just what he was capable of where my heart was concerned, I couldn’t answer that question. We obviously couldn’t survive anything, because Luca’s love wasn’t nearly as strong as I’d once thought it was.
When his eyes met mine, they filled with tears. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen Luca cry. He dropped to his knees in front of me, his arms going around my waist as he pressed his face into my middle. “I’m so sorry,” he rasped out.
After all the crying I’d done the night before and earlier that morning, my eyes felt oddly dry as I looked down at him. I lifted my hands, my fingers aching to touch him, but I refused to give him a moment of comfort when my own heart was aching so badly I couldn’t breathe.
“Did you fuck her?” My voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, but I felt him flinch as if I’d screamed the question at him.
His head snapped back so he could see my face. “No! I swear to you, I didn’t touch her.”
“Liar. I’ve seen the pictures of you two asleep on that couch, Luca.”
His arms tightened around me. “I was alone when I fell asleep last night. I woke up to her beside me. I didn’t touch her. I didn’t kiss her. I didn’t—”
“Lucy heard her begging you to lick her pussy when she was on the phone with Lyric.” Nausea began to make my stomach toss yet again as I heard Megan’s voice in my head. “Luca baby. Luca baby. Luca baby.” I clenched my eyes shut, fighting the voice and the pain lacerating every nerve ending in my body.
With a strangled cry, I pushed him away and took several steps back, but Luca had a look of confusion on his face. “When was this?”
“Right after you hung up on me yesterday, I called Lyric, and Lucy took the phone.” I shrugged, like it didn’t matter, like I hadn’t died a little when his sister told me what she’d heard.
“I didn’t touch her, Violet!” He jumped to his feet and reached out for me, but I took another step back. “Baby, please believe me. You know I would never do something like that. You’re the only girl I want. I love you.”
“Yesterday, I would have believed you. Today, I’m not even sure you understand what that word means.” I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling cold despite the hoodie I was wearing. “I think you’ve gotten so used to saying you love me that it’s just a habit now, but you obviously don’t really feel it.”
A pained sound came from him that tore at my heart, but I pushed back my own agony. I had to be strong. Had to hold on to myself, because it was obvious I could no longer hold on to him. “Baby, I know I fucked up, and I know saying sorry isn’t enough, but please. You can’t possibly think that. You know that I love you. That I’m in love with you, Vi. You’re the other half of my soul.”
My strength was quickly fading. I could feel it seeping out of me as if Luca were draining it from my body while he stood there. His words—those words—had once been something I considered our own personal laws.
He would never hurt me.
He would never cheat on me.
He would never make me feel like our love was something only found in fairy tales.
But it seemed we were both deluding ourselves.
“I think you should go,” I told him as I fought the lethargy that felt like it was pressing down on me. “You missed football practice yesterday, and your coach will bench you this week if you miss another.”
“I don’t give a fuck about practice.” He reached for me again, but I backed up, and his face turned green. “Baby, please just listen.”
“I…I can’t. Not right now.” I swallowed hard, needing to stay on my feet while he was in front of me. I had to be strong. I had to. But it was so hard when it felt like I was going to fall on my face at his feet. “Just… Maybe give me a few days, and we can talk then,” I suggested, hoping it would get him out the door faster. “We both need to calm down and clear our heads.”
He scrubbed his hands over his tear-streaked face but nodded. “If that’s what you want, I can do that. But only a few days, Vi.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, knowing I was lying to him, but he needed to go before my knees gave out. I felt like such a coward, like a young and dumb little girl who couldn’t face anything now that the one thing I’d always had faith in was no longer my truth.
“I love you,” he told me, his eyes pleading for me to believe him.
