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“Since First Night? All the way to the far side of Yosemite, but I rarely go that deep. Once we pass through the park, it’ll be as new to me as it is to you guys.”
“And we’ll be roughing it all the way?”
“Nah. I dropped off some supplies at Brother David’s a few weeks ago. Carpet coats, more cadaverine, some weapons, tents, other stuff. Anything else we need we can get from the traders over in Wawona. Roughing it was just for tonight. For the real trip I want us to be as well supplied as we can be.”
Benny looked over and saw that Lilah was applying a bandage. The stitchery was done and Nix still hadn’t made a sound.
“Speaking of crazy,” Benny murmured.
Tom glanced over. “Nix or Lilah?”
“Take your pick.”
Tom snorted. “You ever try to imagine what it’s like being inside Nix’s head?”
?
?All the time.” Benny shook his head. “I’ve known her my whole life, and we’ve talked about everything … but then I catch a look in her eye when we’re training, or she’ll say something odd, and then I wonder if I really know her at all.”
“How’s that make her crazy?”
“I don’t know. I … can’t quite put it into words. Since last year she’s different. She’s obsessed about this trip. When we talk about it, most of the time she’s really focused and logical, but if I bring up any reservations about it … she either bites my head or acts as if I didn’t say anything.” He looked at Tom. “I know you’ve seen it too.”
“I have,” Tom admitted, “but I don’t know if it makes her crazy. Her last blood ties are gone, Benny. In a lot of ways she feels that she’s all alone.”
“She isn’t!”
“Sure she is. We’re each alone inside our heads, some more so than others. Lilah’s been alone inside her head for years, and she may never come completely out.”
“So you’re saying that Nix is just obsessed and lonely?”
“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m agreeing with you that there are forces at work in her life. I don’t know if she’s truly crazy—as in a danger to herself and others—but I suspect that her sanity is a work in process. Keep your eye on her.”
He clapped Benny on the shoulder, and they walked over to see how Nix was doing. She was pale, almost green, and her face—what Benny could see of it under the bandages—ran with sweat. Lilah sat on a tree stump, carefully cleaning the needle with alcohol.
“World’s dumbest question,” Benny said to Nix, “but how do you feel?”
“Like I was attacked by Mrs. Lafferty’s quilting circle.” Nix’s face was puffy, and she barely moved her lips when she spoke. Her eyes were glassy with pain and the fatigue that comes from enduring pain. “Thanks,” she said to Lilah.
“I don’t want to go back to that town either,” Lilah said, and walked away.
Benny and Nix looked up at Tom.
He sighed, then said, “Okay. We keep going.”
24
THEY RESTED FOR ANOTHER HOUR, AND THEN TOM TOLD EVERYONE TO get ready.
Benny came over to check on Chong, but his friend didn’t want to talk. Chong put his pack on, adjusted the straps, and didn’t meet anyone’s eyes.
“Let’s go,” said Tom. “I want to make the way station while it’s still light. Nix … we’ll only go as fast as you can manage.”
“I’m fine.”
“No you’re not. You’re hurt, and even though it’s not as serious as it looks, your body has gone through trauma. Be smart about how you feel. Push too hard and you’ll collapse, and then I swear to God I will carry you back to town. Is that clear?”
“Fine.”
