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“Yes. Of course.”
When her smile fell away, he noticed that her hands were clenched into fists.
“Do you want to go somewhere else?”
“Maybe we could go for a walk? Are you busy?”
Eric walked around and took her hand in answer. He couldn’t talk because she’d curled her fingers into his and she hadn’t pulled away, and that had to be a good sign, right?
He led her through the back door, trying to ignore the wide-eyed stares of his brother and sister as they left. He kept his pace slow, even though he wanted to race, and Beth held her silence until they reached the blacktop trail that disappeared into a grove of golden aspen.
He squeezed her hand. “I need to apologize again. For what I said and the way I said it.”
“No, it’s fine. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. You were angry, and you had a right to be. I’m so sorry about lying. I called Luke this morning to apologize and try to explain.”
“Did you tell him what happened?”
She looked at him, but then her eyes fell to her shoes and she pulled her hand away. “Roland Kendall threatened to tell my dad about the store.”
“Oh.” He tried to summon up some understanding, but he didn’t get it. She was a grown woman.
“I know it must seem silly to you, that I’d panic about that, but there’s more to it than you know.”
“Okay.” He waited, his whole body straining with the need to stop and hurry her up. To make her explain so he could forgive her.
It seemed hours before she spoke. “When I was seventeen, my boyfriend took pictures of me. Nude photos. Some of them were more than that.”
“Did you know?”
“Yes. I let him. But what I didn’t know was that he would take them to school and show everyone.”
“Jesus, Beth. I’m sorry.”
“It was bad. Terrible. The worst thing that’s ever happened to me. When the principal discovered the pictures, he called my father.”
Eric thought of that elegant, old-fashioned man and cringed.
“I’d been Daddy’s little girl my whole life. I loved him more than anything in the world. And when he saw those pictures, he didn’t love me anymore. That was what it felt like. He said I’d shamed him and my mother and our name. He couldn’t even look at me for months.”
“Oh, Christ. Beth…”
“School was torture, and when I couldn’t take it a moment longer, I asked my dad if I could homeschool for the last two months of my senior year. Do you know what he said?”
Eric shook his head.
“He said, ‘If you didn’t want to be treated like a slut, you shouldn’t have acted like one.’ He made me go to school every single day until I graduated, because that was what I deserved.”
“I don’t know what to say,” he whispered. “I know you love your dad, but that’s terrible.”
“It’s why I never told him the truth about working at the White Orchid, but it’s also the reason I work there. I wanted to prove something to myself. That sex wasn’t bad. That I shouldn’t be ashamed. But the truth is every single partner was just a potential betrayal. I could never stop worrying, until I met you.”
“Me? Why?”
“I don’t know. I can’t explain it.”
“I read your column,” he said, hoping she would keep talking.
She nodded. “I’m glad. I’ve been lying for a long time. I’m not that experienced. I’m not very good at sex, and I never have been. I can’t relax. I can’t enjoy myself no matter how hard I try, or maybe because of how hard I try.”
