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"That was a bit melodramatic, wasn't it? 'We're both grateful for your good advice'?" I don't want her to think she can put anything over on me.
"It worked, didn't it? If you tell them what they want to hear, they don't bother to try to see," she says.
Pippa comes running over to us, breathless. "Good heavens, what really happened? You must tell me before I die of curiosity!"
Ann is a sudden shadow at my side. She says nothing, just follows along with sure, plodding steps.
"It's just as Gemma said," Felicity lies. "I fell in the water and she pulled me out."
Pippa's face falls. "That's it?"
"Yes, that is all."
"There's nothing more?"
"Isn't it enough that I nearly drowned today?" Felicity huffs. She's so good I could swear she almost believes it herself. Now I know that she's never confessed about her Gypsy beau to Pippa, her closest friend. Felicity and I have a secret, one she's not sharing with anyone else. Pippa senses that we're not telling the whole truth. Her eyes take on that suspicious, wounded look girls get when they know they've fallen off the top rung of friendship and someone else has passed them, but they don't know when or how the change took place.
She leans in close to Felicity. "What were you doing with her ?"
" I do believe that one headmistress is enough, Pippa," Felicity scoffs. "Really, your imagination is so brilliant you should put it to use as a novelist someday. Gemma, walk with me."
She loops her arm through mine and we pass Pippa, who can do nothing to save face now but make a show of snubbing Ann to run off and talk with the other girls.
"Sometimes she is such a child," Felicity says when we're a few steps behind them all.
"I thought you were the best of friends."
"I adore Pippa. Really. But she's very sheltered. There are things I could never tell her. Like Ithal. But you understand. I can tell that you do. I think we're going to be great friends, Gemma."
"Would we still be great friends if I didn't hold a secret over your head?" I ask.
"Don't friends always share secrets?"
Would I ever share my secrets with any of these girls? Or would they run in horror to know the truth about me? Up ahead, Miss Moore shepherds the younger girls through the trees and out onto the great lawn. She watches us with a curious expression, as if we're windows into the past. Ghosts.
"Come along, girls" she calls. "Don't dawdle."
"Dawdle? I can barely breathe from trudging up this hill at a gallop!" Felicity sniffs.
"How long has Miss Moore taught at Spencer?" I ask.
"She arrived this past summer. She's a breath of fresh air in this staid old place, I can tell you that. Oh, what's this?" Felicity says.
"What's what?" I ask.
"This remnant in your bodice. Bit torn. Ugh, and muddy. If you need a proper handkerchief, you only have to ask. I've got scads of them." She puts the scrap in my open palm. It's blue silk, torn and soiled around the edges, as if it might have been ripped by a branch. My legs shake so that I have to lean against the first tree I see.
Felicity looks puzzled. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing," I say, my voice whispery tight. "It's as if you've seen a ghost."
I might have.
The muddy blue silk is a promise in my hands. My mother was here. I'd choose her . It's what I said before I fell asleep. Somehow, I've changed things. I've brought her back with this strange power of mine. For the first time, I want to know everything about it. If Kartik won't tell me, I'll find out on my own. I'll hunt down Mary Dowd and get her to tell me what I need to know. They can't stop me.
Felicity gives my hand a pull. "Don't be so slow."
"I'm coming," I say, quickening my pace till I'm clear of the trees and into the warm sun again.
