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She wished she hadn’t said that as soon as the words were out of her mouth. It suggested a permanence which could never be now. But he didn’t appear to notice, and soon they were busy with the job in hand. It was hard work, but fun, and she didn’t think she had laughed so much for years. The porter returned with the things they’d asked for and then stayed to help for a while. They learnt he had a wife and eight children and twenty-four grandchildren, which was a little staggering, and that every Christmas they all descended for Christmas Day lunch and tea.
‘It’s mayhem,’ he said cheerfully. ‘Absolute mayhem. But the missus is only truly happy when the brood’s around. Some women are like that, aren’t they? Natural mothers.’
Melody smiled and nodded, but his words had struck a chord in her which had been bothering her for a while. Before the accident she had always assumed that eventually she and Zeke would have children, but she had been content to put it to the back of her mind. The act of bringing a child into the world was a huge responsibility, she’d told herself in the rare moments when she’d dwelt on the possibility, and both parents had to be ready for it otherwise it could cause havoc between a couple.
Like it had between her mother and father. Her father had left without even seeing his child, abandoning her mother because he couldn’t or wouldn’t grow up enough to be a father and husband. And she knew her grandfather had blamed her grandmother for being too tied up with their daughter and neglecting him. Her grandmother had told her that herself. And so, deep in the hidden part of her, she had reconciled herself to not having children. That was the truth of it.
She stopped what she was doing and stared at Zeke. And now the very thing she’d decided against was a torment of what she had lost. She wanted his babies. She wanted to have a part of him. Why hadn’t she realised it before it was too late? Why hadn’t she faced some of those issues and brought them to light? And how could she have been so mixed up for so long without knowing it? Surely other people weren’t like her?
‘What?’ Zeke had been busy rolling a head for the first snowman but now he straightened, his breath a white mist in the freezing air. ‘What is it? What’s the matter?’
Melody came out of the maelstrom of her thoughts, forcing a smile. ‘Nothing,’ she said lightly. ‘I was just wondering what those little girls we met earlier will say when they see our snow couple in the morning. Perhaps we should build two little ones too. They’d like that. A snow family, like them.’
His eyes narrowed in the way they did when he knew she was prevaricating, but with someone else present he didn’t press the issue, and soon they were engrossed in building again. The porter left to find them hot drinks after half an hour, and the two of them worked on in the crystal-clean air.
It took two hours, and several cups of hot chocolate provided by the amenable Michael, but eventually the snow family were finished.
The receptionist came to take a look, smiling at the four figures. ‘They’re kind of cute,’ she said, stifling a yawn. ‘Especially the children. Shame they won’t last for ever.’
Zeke grinned. ‘Thanks for providing the necessary extras.’ He turned to Michael, who had joined her. ‘I hope we haven’t kept you from more important things.’
The porter smiled back. ‘What could be more important than a family at Christmas? Even if it is a snow one!’ he said quietly. ‘Happy Christmas to you, sir. Madam.’
The two hotel staff went back into the warmth, leaving them to survey their handiwork for a moment or two. ‘That was quite profound,’ Zeke said lazily. ‘I think Michael has hidden depths.’ He took her arm. ‘Come on, let’s get you back inside.’
Although her face was rosy with the cold, Melody didn’t feel chilled in herself, and she found she didn’t want the magical interlude to end. It was Christmas Day, and later in the morning she would walk out of Zeke’s life for ever. The break would have to be final, clean and sharp. There could be no meeting up for civilised lunches or dinners, none of the ‘we’re still good friends’ scenarios people they knew indulged in. The past hours had shown her that.
Zeke was irresistible. To her, anyway. To be with him was to want him in every way possible, and so the only option was to remove temptation once and for all. It was quite simple, really.
As they stepped into the heated confines of the hotel from the bitterly cold air outside she shivered convulsively, but the sudden chill was in the essence of her rather than the change in temperature. The night would soon be over.
‘You’ve got cold.’ Zeke’s voice was concerned. ‘We stayed out too long. I wasn’t thinking. I’ll run you a bath when we get back to the suite. You need to get warm.’
‘No, it’s fine.’ How did you tell the man you loved with all your heart you were leaving? Perhaps you didn’t. Maybe the best thing to do was to disappear when the opportunity presented itself? It would avoid the trauma of a final goodbye.
Coward. The accusation was loud in her head and she couldn’t argue with it. She was a coward. If she wasn’t, she would take the gamble of staying around and seeing what happened.
They reached the lift, and as the doors were closing Z
eke curved his arms round her waist. ‘We’re both cold,’ he murmured huskily. ‘How about a shower for two, like the old days?’
Her heart stopped and then raced, but through the panic something was clear. She couldn’t hide any more. This had always had to happen for him to accept what she had been trying to tell him. He had to see her as she was now—scars and all. She’d had a romantic, idealised idea of leaving him with the image of how she had been—but, Zeke being Zeke, he was never going to let her go if she didn’t bare all. Literally. This was necessary, essential. But, oh, please, don’t let me see his face when he looks at me, she added silently. She wouldn’t be able to stand it.
She bent her head, her forehead resting on his wet jacket. ‘Your room or mine?’ she whispered, keeping her voice steady.
‘You choose,’ he said softly, hugging her tight.
‘Yours.’ That way she could leave and find sanctuary in her own room when she needed to. An escape route.
He lifted her chin, kissing her long and hard on the mouth. They were still kissing when the lift doors opened, and he kept his arm round her as they walked into the sitting room of their suite. ‘Let’s get these wet clothes off you,’ he said softly, helping her shrug off her thick jacket and taking her hat, scarf and soaking gloves before pulling off his own. Then he took her cold hand, leading her out of the sitting room and into the corridor towards his bedroom without speaking.
Once inside he went into the bathroom and turned on the water in the shower cubicle. When he returned to the bedroom Melody was standing exactly where he had left her, limbs frozen in fear and embarrassment at the thought of undressing.
‘Now to get you all warm and snug again.’ He pulled off his jeans, T-shirt and jumper as he spoke, discarding his socks and pants and standing stark naked before her with a supreme disregard of his nudity. He had always been very comfortable with his own body, which didn’t make this any easier.
Whether he sensed how she was feeling, Melody wasn’t sure, but he didn’t attempt to undress her as she had been expecting. Instead he turned and went back into the bathroom, calling over his shoulder, ‘Come and join me when you’re ready. I’ll make sure the water’s not too hot.’
She remained perfectly still for a moment, and then feverishly began to disrobe before she lost her nerve. The bedroom was dimly lit by the same bedside lamp as before, but the bathroom light was stronger, more unforgiving. Once she had shed her clothes she forced herself to move the few steps to the bathroom, her legs wooden. Get it over with, she told herself. Just do it.
