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Luc made an inarticulate sound and dismissed Paddy. He paced his office, feeling like a caged animal. He needed Nessa now, and she was on the other side of the world.
A cold, clammy sweat broke out on Luc’s brow and he stopped dead as the significance of that sank in. He needed her. When he’d never needed anyone in his life. Not even Pierre Fortin had impacted Luc as hard, and that man had given him a whole new life.
Luc assured himself now that he just needed her for all the myriad reasons he’d told her that day at the hospital. That was all. But the clammy feeling wouldn’t recede.
He went to his drinks cabinet and poured himself a shot of whisky. He felt as if he were unravelling at the seams. He took another shot, but the panic wouldn’t go away.
Eventually Luc went outside to the stables and staff scattered as he approached when they saw the look on his face. Pascal bumped into him and stepped back. ‘Woah, Luc. What’s wrong? Has something happened?’
Luc all but snarled at him and strode off. He went to the stables and saddled up his favourite horse, cantering out of the yard and up into the fields and tracks surrounding his land. He came to a stop only when the horse was lathered in sweat and heaving for breath. Like him.
He slid off the horse and stood by his head, holding the reins. This was the same hill he’d come to when he’d bought this place. He could remember the immense sense of satisfaction to be expanding his empire into one of the world’s most respected racing communities. Finally, he’d thought then, I’ll be seen as one of them. I’ll no longer be tainted by my past.
But as he stood in exactly the same place now, Luc realised his past was no further away than it ever had been. It was still as vivid as ever. He expected to feel frustration or a sense of futility because he knew now he’d never escape it. He waited, but all he did feel, surprisingly, was a measure of peace.
For the first time, Luc could appreciate that his past had made him who he was and there was a curious sense of pride in that.
Yet, this revelation left a hollow ache inside him because he had no one to share it with. He knew now that there was only one person he would want to share it with, and she was gone. A sense of bleakness gripped him.
Nessa had returned to the protection of her home, her family, and Luc had no place there. He had no right to claim her. For a brief moment they could have been together, but it had been taken away and he had no right to that dream with her.
She didn’t love him, and if he had an ounce of humanity left he would not take advantage of their attraction to persuade her otherwise. She deserved someone far better than he would ever be.
The horse moved restlessly beside him, ready to return home, and Luc felt the bitter sting of irony. He wanted to go home too, but the home he wanted to go to didn’t exist, because he’d spent his whole life denying that it could exist, or that he needed it. And now it was too late.
* * *
‘Nessa, if you had told me about the baby I never would have let you come all the way here.’
Nessa’s emotions bubbled up under the sympathetic gaze of her older sister, who was sitting with her in one of Merkazad castle’s beautiful courtyards. They’d just been served afternoon tea, which had remained untouched as Nessa had spilled out the last few weeks’ events under the expert questioning of her concerned sister, who had noticed something was off.
Much as Nessa might have guessed, Iseult had already vowed to pay off Paddy’s debt to Luc Barbier, and Nessa was glad she hadn’t told Iseult before now. She would have been far too worried and insisted on getting involved. At least this way it was all over; whether or not Paddy would let Iseult and Nadim take on the debt was for him to deal with now.
‘It’s fine, Iseult. I’m glad I came. Really.’ She adored her nephew, Kamil, a dark-haired imp of five going on twenty-five, who was as excited about the imminent birth as everyone else.
Iseult reached for her hand now, squeezing it gently. ‘And what about Luc?’
Nessa sighed. ‘What about Luc? He proposed marriage as a business merger, not out of romance or love.’
‘But you do love him?’
Nessa desperately wanted to say no. But in the end she nodded, feeling her heart contract with pain.
Her sister sat back again, placing a hand over her rotund bump that looked ready to pop under her kaftan. Just then Kamil burst into the courtyard, holding his palm tablet and saying excitedly, ‘Look, Auntie Ness, I found you on the Internet!’
He jumped up onto Nessa’s lap and started playing the video of Nessa’s last race. Iseult suddenly realised the significance and reached across, saying, ‘I don’t think Auntie Ness wants to see that one, Kami. Let’s find another.’
But Nessa shot a smile at Iseult even as her heart was thumping. ‘It’s fine. I wouldn’t mind seeing it anyway. I haven’t looked back at it yet.’
The tablet was propped on the table and Kamil squealed with excitement on Nessa’s lap as the race drew to a close and she won.
When Kamil wriggled off her lap to run off again Nessa barely noticed. And she didn’t see the concern on her sister’s face. Her eyes were glued to the screen and the aftermath of the race. She saw the riderless horse and then a flurry of movement, Sur La Mer bucking and then herself disappearing underneath the horses.
She had no memory of the actual incident, so it was like watching someone else.
A blur of movement entered the frame from the right. A man, pushing his way through, throwing people out of his way and shouting. The camera focused on him, zooming in. Nessa realised with a jolt that it was Luc, and that he was being held back by Francois while the medics cleared a space and worked on her.
Francois was saying something indistinct to him and then Luc turned around with a savage look on his face and shouted very clearly, ‘I don’t care about the damn horse, I care about her.’
