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She froze, inside and out. ‘But... I’m your assistant. And I always travel with you. You’ll need me to—’
‘I don’t need you.’
She swallowed before she could speak. ‘Specifically for this? Or generally?’ she forced herself to say, aware of the barbs of anguish already eviscerating her.
A muscle rippled in his jaw, and he turned away. ‘I’ll return once I’ve dealt with the matter.’
‘You didn’t answer me. Is this because of last night? Because I urged you to talk to your father? What did he want to talk about?’ she asked, aware she was overstepping but not really caring. He was shutting her out, rejecting her in a way that was all too frighteningly familiar. What wasn’t as familiar was the urge to fight this time; not to accept her lot and slink away to lick her wounds.
For the longest time, Christos remained silent. ‘He stumbled his way through a mockery of an apology for how he treated me as a child. I have no intention of accepting it,’ he said finally.
Cold dread closed around her throat. ‘I’m assuming that didn’t take all night. So why didn’t you come to bed? Is it because you think I might be pregnant? Is it because you’re terrified of becoming a father?’
His head went back as if he’d been stunned with a taser. ‘You said the possibility of that is negligible.’
‘But what if it isn’t?’
His face went ashen, and while he was trying to collect himself, she ploughed on, ‘You rarely take cases with children. When you do you keep a close eye on those children, to ensure they’re being looked after. You’re running off to fight for your godson, and yet the possibility that I might be pregnant terrifies you?’
His jaw clenched hard, but the fire in his eyes was ablaze with warning. ‘You misunderstand, Alexis mou. I hate losing. Period. A child suffering because I haven’t executed my job properly signifies a loss to me.’
‘Is it really so hard to admit you care about anything, Christos? That there’s a heart beating in that chest of yours? A heart that aches at the thought of loss?’
His face tightened. ‘Alexis...’
‘A heart that will mourn Costas at some point in the future when he’s gone?’ she whispered, an urgent need to see the man from the cave and not this...cold, closed-off version of him. She rose from the bed, the sheet wrapped around her.
His face clenched harder, but, like last night, the hand he lifted to rake his hair shook. The small sign of vulnerability gave her wild hope. ‘Of course I’ll feel his loss. As I would any fixture in my life.’
‘Don’t try and throw me off with that. Your grandfather is not a car. Or a well-tailored suit. Or even your beloved Drakonisos. He’s flesh and blood and emotions. Just like me. Just like everything you seem hell-bent on cutting from your life.’
His hand slashed the space between them in a very Greek dismissal. ‘What is this, Alexis? What exactly do you hope to achieve by riling me this way?’
‘Oh, so you admit to being riled?’
He scowled. ‘You wish me to show you? Is that it?’
‘That you’re capable of emotion? I know you are. If you’re this upset when you lose a case, then you can feel. It’s a specific type of emotion I’m after.’
His nostrils flared. ‘Why?’
‘Because I want to know that all this has been worth it! That I haven’t been throwing myself on some callous altar with nothing to show for it.’
He looked stunned. Then furious. ‘There was never any promise of...whatever it is you’re searching for.’
‘If you don’t know what I’m searching for, then how do you know I can’t have it?’
He cupped his nape in a gesture of pure frustration. ‘Because I’m incapable of it,’ he snarled. ‘I lack the building blocks of your fancy emotions. I strategise. I win. That’s the only fuel I need.’
‘You love—’
‘I don’t.’
Her heart cracked, but she didn’t...couldn’t stop. ‘Your grandfather? Did you keep the true circumstances of our marriage from him because you hate him? Or because you care about his feelings enough not to want to hurt him?’
‘I care about possessing Drakonisos. That’s it.’
‘Why? It’s just a piece of dirt. Rocks and soil and plants and water. Why go to all these lengths over this particular piece of property when there are literally hundreds more you can spend your millions on?’
