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“Don’t you think I know that?” he snaps, his voice a low hiss. I press my ear against the wall, in hopes of hearing them better. I don’t know what they’re going to say. Still, it’s me they’re discussing, and I guess I’m just hoping to understand why the father I once adored seems to hate me now.
“You can’t take your anger at me out on her, Niles, it’s not fair. Callie loves you. You’re the only father she’s ever known,” Mom says.
“Except I’m not her father, am I, Trena?”
“Niles,” I hear Mom cry, but my heart has stopped beating. My entire body feels as if it has seized up.
He’s not my father?
“I could hate you for this. God, why can’t I hate you, Trena? You made me believe all this time that we had this beautiful daughter. We got married because you were pregnant, and now, here we are years later with me discovering my entire life has been a lie.”
“Niles, we both know I’m getting worse. I can barely get words out n-now.”
“So? God, how could you think I would want to know this? Why couldn’t you just leave me clueless. Let me think that I was Callie’s father. That you married me because you loved me and not because you were pregnant with nowhere else to go.”
“I do love you,” Mom says.
I don’t even realize I’m crying until I feel the tears sliding down my cheeks. I turn, still cradling my wrist and bury my face into the mattress, using it to muffle my tears.
Now, I know why my father hates me.
He’s not my father.
34 Callie
“My poor baby,” Reed murmurs, kissing my cast gently, before placing it carefully back on the console between our seats. He had something he wanted to show me today, so we’re riding in Mildred because it’s raining outside.
“Stop, Reed, I’m okay, I promise,” I tell him and for the most part I’m telling the truth. At least physically.
It’s only been four days since my world was rocked on its axis. I’ve avoided my parents as much as possible. I help Mom and do what I can there, but I don’t tell her what I know—or how bad it’s bothering me. The guilt in her eyes when she sees my wrist is nearly enough to bring me to my knees—or make me scream at her.
Reed is actually the only thing in my life that keeps me going. He’s been amazing to me. Yet, I feel guilty because I lied to him. He thinks I fell down the stairs at home. I avoided him for the first couple of days, so he didn’t see me until I was able to come up with a reason and I was emotionally ready to see anyone—including him. Maybe I should have told him the truth about everything, but he went so ballistic last time, I was afraid of what he would do. That’s only a part of it, however.
I feel guilty.
It’s not logical, but I think somehow this is all my fault. Like I’m to blame for my father—Niles’s—anger. There’s embarrassment involved to. I don’t want anyone to know that I let someone hit me, why he hit me, or how it was my fault. Maybe if I had been a better daughter, tried harder, he could have at least liked me. Maybe the reason he dislikes me has more to do with the person I am.
I mean, I pushed Reed away and I love him. All the mess with Chasity came about because of me to begin with. That’s a hard truth to face, but that’s what has been running through my head over and over.
“If that’s true, why do you seem so sad, Bluebird?”
“I’m not sad, just clumsy,” I joke.
Reed’s mouth tightens. He gives me a look that tells me he doesn’t appreciate my humor and I sigh. I need to get out of my head. I should be happy. Things with Reed are good, feel lighter now that he’s got a clean bill of health from the clinic. He seems different with that weight lifted off his shoulders. He and Mitch have even been getting along. That made me nervous, but Mitch hasn’t breathed a word about prom night. In fact, Mitch and Reed seem to be getting closer. He even told Mitch about us going to the clinic to get a clean bill of health before we moved in together.
Moved in together.
That thought still makes me nervous, but I want it just the same. I want to live with Reed. I want to get away from my parents, too. Moving in with Reed seems like the perfect answer. I know that sounds horrible. It makes me feel icky to think of starting my life with Reed out with that being the major decision to move in together. I mean, I love him, but I don’t think I’d contemplate moving in with him this soon if it wasn’t for the fact that I just want space away from my parents—well, my mother and Niles. I really need to get used to not thinking of him as my father anymore. One day, I’ll get up the nerve to ask my mom who my real father is. I’m not sure it matters since he obviously didn’t care enough about me to want to stay around.
