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They were men.
But what kind of men would do this?
Were they all on the same shit Forneus forced me to take?
If they were, they controlled it a lot better.
I moved farther up the hill, passed the graveyard, and approached the double doors that led to the inside of the church.
They followed.
Others were already at the blocked windows, like seeing our shadows move was enough entertainment for them.
I let myself inside, the daylight that reflected off the clouds overhead disappearing and releasing the strain from my eyes. Now it was dark, the candles lighting the room. Angels were there, two at the front, on their knees praying for forgiveness for their demons.
I looked down the row and found Laura there. Her wings were crumpled behind her, the bottoms marked with stains from the dirt because she didn’t care in the least.
My kind of girl.
I took the seat beside her, looking at the outlines of the Malevolent’s heads in the window behind her. I stared for a while before I looked at Laura. “Has Raum forced you to take anything?”
She slowly turned to me, her lips sunk in a permanent frown, her eyes forever indifferent. She was beautiful like the other women here, but her somberness dulled the beauty of her features. Forneus and the other demons ruined our bodies, our minds, and our souls. “A couple times.”
“Do you get used to it?”
She dropped her gaze for a moment before she looked straight ahead. “Yes. But that doesn’t matter.”
“Why?”
“Because they just give you more.”
Geez.
“Why do they make us do it?”
“They believe that’s how we connect to God to pardon their sins.”
“Okay, there’s no way they actually believe any of that shit, right?”
“Sure seems like it.”
“It must just be a power trip—getting off on imprisoning us, putting us through this bullshit.”
“Maybe.” Laura continued to feign indifference, like none of this mattered, like she didn’t even matter.
“It’s been a couple days, and I still…don’t feel like myself.”
“I want to say you get used to it, but you never do. I’m sure we’ll all have heart attacks at young ages…if we live that long.”
I wasn’t a lab rat. I wouldn’t take their drugs and run on their stupid hamster wheel. I wouldn’t play their games and fulfill their fantasies. I was getting the fuck out of here. “I have an idea how we can get out of here.”
She turned back to me, her eyes empty of any sign of life. My words didn’t give her hope. Barely gave her amusement.
“When I was…whatever I was, I ran into the forest and found a river. Wasn’t sure if it was real or not, but the water was so cold. I memorized the stars so I can find it again.” I looked around at the long rows, seeing tons of wood to work with. “We build boats and ride the river…to wherever it goes.”
She gave me a blank stare, as if she expected me to say more.
“Well…what do you think?”
“What do I think?” she asked incredulously. “I think it’s a suicide mission. The water is freezing. We won’t make it that far. And we have to build boats? I don’t even know how to change the oil in a car, let alone build something.”
“It just needs to float.”
“But if we get wet, we’ll die from hypothermia—”
“I get you’ve been here a long time and you’re totally demoralized. Don’t blame you. But we’re never going to get out of here with that attitude. We need to try. And when that fails, we try again. Because sitting around and waiting to have heart attacks or be murdered is not an option. It can’t be an option for you either.”
She stared for a while, releasing a slow breath, her features tightening. “I know it’s hard to believe, but I used to be like you. Just gave up at some point. I’d search for exits but never found any. I realized it was easier to stop caring…”
Not once did I think she was weak. Just heartbroken. “I understand.”
She faced forward again. “But I don’t think your plan is a good one.”
“Why?”
“How far away is the river?”
“I…I’m not sure. I can’t remember.”
“How are we going to get there in the first place? Running as we carry boats to a river that we might not find? I’ve never left my cabin and seen a blanket of darkness. The Malevolent are always there. Always watching.”
“Then we set a building on fire and distract them.”
“Then that means someone will have to make that sacrifice so the rest of us can get away. They won’t survive, and the demons will skin her alive for her betrayal. And then they’ll do the same to us…if we don’t make it.”
Someone would have to stay behind—and I couldn’t ask anyone to do that.
“If this doesn’t work, we’ll all be compromised.”
My mind worked furiously to find a solution, to solve the puzzle with pieces that didn’t fit.
