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“You smell good, too,” she admitted, amazed at her vocal cords’ ability to make coherent sounds when her entire insides shook like she’d been trampled by stampeding reindeer.
“Are you having a good time?”
Nodding, she laid her cheek against his shoulder. From the corner of her eye, she saw Danielle give a thumbs-up and a suggestive eyebrow waggle and shake of her hips. She also noticed several of their colleagues watching them. Some with curiosity. Some with smiles.
A low, nervous chuckle rose up her throat.
“What?” he asked in a low voice, near her ear.
“Everyone thinks we’re a couple.”
His feet stilled a moment, as if he’d forgotten where they were, but his hands stayed at her waist. “I don’t do couples, Abby.”
She raised her head, stared at him. “Okay, we’re not a couple.” She took a deep breath. “What are we?”
He hesitated, looking torn. “I’m not sure.”
Not the answer she’d hoped to hear. Then again, what had she expected? Feed the man a little fudge and he wouldn’t be able to get enough of her?
She couldn’t deal with his hot-cold attitude. Not and keep her sanity intact. Her heart intact.
“Then maybe you should get sure before we go any further, Dirk.” Her heart banged against her rib cage in protest of her words. She wanted to go further. Lots further. But she wasn’t a fool and wouldn’t pretend to be one, not even for more time with Dirk. Regardless of how she felt, she deserved better than to be at his beck and call, available for comfort sex and Christmas parties. “I like you. A lot. But I don’t want to end up with a broken heart and if you’re not in this with me, then…” She shrugged. “Well, whatever this is needs to end now.”
He studied her, his fingers splayed against her back, stroking over the material of her dress, possessively, distractingly. “I’d never hurt you, Abby.”
“Not intentionally.” Why were tears pricking her eyes? Why did she feel as if he was going to tell her goodbye? Why did that hurt so much? Technically, tonight was their first date. She would not cry. “But if I’m not careful where you’re concerned, I will end up hurt.”
Her heart protested it was way too late to start thinking about heart protection. She was crazy about Dirk. Way too crazy to walk away unscathed. Hadn’t she fought tears more than once that he’d immediately had regrets about making love to her?
“You’re right.” He took a deep breath and she expected him to let her go, to push her away. Instead, his hands tightened at her waist, as if he wasn’t willing to let go, as if he clung to her for support. “I shouldn’t have asked you here tonight.”
“Why did you?”
“I didn’t want to be here alone.”
Had he only asked because she was convenient? Because he’d known she’d say yes? She bit the inside of her lower lip to hold it steady. He’d not made any grand promises. All he’d done was ask her to attend a Christmas party with him. She’d been the one to attach all sorts of sentimental meaning to his invitation.
Just as she’d attached all sorts of sentimental meaning to their morning together. Lord, she was a fool.
“But mostly because I can’t quit thinking about you.”
&
nbsp; A soft moan escaped. That was more along the lines of what she wanted to hear. More along the lines of how she felt about him. Her breath caught, knotting in her throat.
“About making love to you.” He shifted against her, holding her more closely, pressing the length of her body to his. “I want you, Abby. I haven’t stopped wanting you. Seeing you tonight, like this…” his gaze moved over the curve of her neck, her upswept hair “…touching you, I can’t help but want to make love to you even though I know I shouldn’t and you certainly shouldn’t let me. Because regardless of how much I want you, I was serious when I said I don’t do relationships.”
“Why not?” She swallowed the knot, wondering at the raw emotions in his eyes. Emotions she wasn’t positive had only to do with her, emotions he’d rarely bared, if ever.
He shook his head. “Not everyone wants the cozy Christmas fantasy of being part of a couple, Abby. That’s not what I want.”
The pain in his voice overshadowed his words, words she was sure were chosen to alienate her emotionally, revealed so much more than what he said. Did he realize how much he’d just exposed to her? That he’d given her a glimpse inside him? A glimpse that undid any resolve she might have had to walk away.
“What do you want?” She held his gaze, clinging to his shoulders to remain steady on her feet as she prepared to expose her heart. “Because I’m not asking for some cozy Christmas fantasy. I just want you. So much I forget to breathe when I look at you.”
He inhaled sharply, closed his eyes.
“Oh, Abs,” he whispered against her forehead, sounding tortured and pleased all in the same breath. His jaw flexed. His eyes darkened then closed again. When they opened, possession shone. Possession and something so primal and needy that desire swept through Abby. His eyes asked questions much more potent than any he could speak.
