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He had a daughter. A wife, hopefully former wife, but the fact he’d not clarified that point worried her. He had a whole other life she knew nothing about. A whole other life he hadn’t shared with her. Would he ever have if she hadn’t gotten pregnant?
God, she was going to throw up.
“Do your wife and Shelby live in Oak Park?” She asked each word slowly, controlling each breath to keep from gasping air into her aching chest.
Was that why she occasionally saw the look of pain in his eyes when he treated a child? Was that why he never seemed completely comfortable in a child’s presence? Because seeing children made him miss his daughter? Had he and his wife had problems? She should have suspected something the moment he admitted to not liking Christmas!
“No, Sandra and Shelby don’t live in Oak Park. They don’t live anywhere.” His voice caught, his jaw flexed, he swallowed. “They died in a car accident four years ago. Shelby was only two years old.”
“Oh, God.” Which explained why he’d reacted so emotionally on the day they’d made love. The mother and daughter dying in the car accident must have stirred up memories of his own losses. Dirk had had a daughter who’d died. A wife who’d died. Abby’s heart twisted inside out at the thought of how much that must hurt, at what he’d been through. “I’m so sorry, Dirk.”
She placed her hand over his, hoping he sensed how she wanted to comfort him.
“It’s not your fault.” He pulled his hand free, raked his fingers through his hair, looked tormented, as if he was erecting every defensive wall around himself. “Just as this pregnancy isn’t your fault. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
She had a thousand questions, things she wanted to know, to understand him better, really know this man whose baby grew inside her. But he’d closed his eyes and, she suspected, the subject of his past as well.
Still, she ached for him and, as awkward as she felt doing so given their current predicament, she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a hug. A big hug. She held on to him, hoping he knew how much she wanted to ease his burden. He sat stock still, never moving, never budging, never talking. Just sat.
“I don’t blame you for my pregnancy,” she assured him, “if that’s what you’re wondering. We’re both consenting adults. We used protection. Neither of us could have known this would happen.”
She traced her finger over his, laced their hands. Although she wasn’t sure he welcomed her hold, she squeezed. “We’ll figure this out, Dirk. Somehow, all this will work out okay.”
But even as she said the words, Abby wondered if they were true. Wondered why she was having to play the role of the strong one when really she just wanted to curl up against him and cry. She wanted his arms to be wrapped around her, to have him holding her, giving comfort. She wanted to be the one taken care of, the one who got to let her emotions loose, and be comforted.
Instead, she’d be raising a baby, possibly by herself, and would never have the dreams she’d clung to since childhood.
Dreams of magical Christmases with a man who loved her and their happy family. Dreams of someday sharing the magical news of a pregnancy with a life partner who would rejoice with her at the news. Dreams of a happily ever after written just for her and her special Prince Charming.
From the first, she’d hoped Dirk would be that man, but not under these circumstances. Unable to hold back the erupting emotional volcano, Abby burst into tears.
And although Dirk wrapped his arms loosely around her, she found no solace in his embrace.
How could she when he was only holding her because he was trying to do the right thing and not because he loved her or wanted her pregnant with his child?
Did Dirk really think no one was going to suspect something was up when he kept babying her? Argh. Abby was going to strangle him if didn’t quit tr
eating her so differently. Their coworkers weren’t stupid.
And neither was she. After the halfhearted way he’d held her while she’d cried, she’d known she had to protect herself. After he’d left, she’d cried more, this time for the great grief rocking her insides, grief that she’d entangled her emotions so irreversibly with a man incapable of returning her sentiments. Even if he wanted to, he’d locked his heart away years ago and thrown away the key.
Dirk was a good man, but one without a heart to give, which meant she needed to guard hers with all her being.
“Here, let me do that.” He stepped into her personal space, taking over where she was helping to transfer a patient from a gurney onto an exam table.
Biting her tongue because she didn’t want to draw more attention to what he was doing, she shot him a back-off look and tried to continue with her job, to no avail since he didn’t step away as they vied for a hold on the patient.
As their coworkers were looking back and forth between them, and even the patient had a curious look on her face, Abby held up her hands.
“Fine, Dr. Kelley. I’ll go check on bay three’s X-ray report.” At least she sounded professional, even if he was making her look like an invalid.
What was wrong with him anyway? Why was he acting like she couldn’t do a thing for herself without his help? She was pregnant, not disabled.
“He’s quite taken with you, isn’t he?”
Abby spun to look at the medical assistant who’d only been working at the hospital for a few weeks. “Who?”
The girl, who couldn’t be much older than high-school age, smiled. “Dr. Kelley, of course. I saw you together at the Christmas party. You make a lovely couple.”
