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He should have. Sandra and Shelby should have lived. He should have been the one taken that morning.
“Dirk.” His mother gave him a look that would have stopped him in his tracks during his younger years. “When I spoke with Abby, I’d hoped Philadelphia had been good for you, had removed the blinkers you’ve worn for the last four years. It’s time you dealt with this.”
Something inside Dirk snapped.
“Have you ever considered that I have dealt with this, only not to everyone else’s satisfaction? Guess what, Mother, I’m the one who has to wake up every single day knowing that I will never look into my wife’s eyes again, that I will never feel Shelby’s fingers wrapped around mine again. You should respect that I’ve dealt with this and let me be.”
“If you’d dealt with this,
we wouldn’t be having this conversation, would we? Because you would have come home for Christmas.”
“What? And be put through the hell of last year? I don’t think so.”
“We hired a top psychiatrist, Dirk. We followed her recommendations to the letter—”
“A psychiatrist?” Oh, God, that was rich. “I’m not crazy.”
“No one thinks you are.”
He paced across the room, spun to meet her gaze. “I was ambushed last Christmas.”
She took a deep breath and didn’t back down. “You were surrounded by people who love you and want what’s best for you. People who want you to enjoy life again.”
“What was best for me is lying in a cemetery in Oak Park.” Dirk couldn’t stop the words from streaming out of his mouth. Couldn’t stop the feelings of hurt and betrayal streaming through him. “Something you conveniently forgot when you planned last year’s fiasco. Tell me, what Christmas torture do you have in store for me tonight? Pictures? Home movies? Personal recollections of my wife and daughter? Because if that’s the case, you should leave now, and take the rest of the family with you.”
A loud gasp caused both Dirk and his mother to spin toward the kitchen door. Abby held on to the door frame as if she might slide to the floor if she didn’t.
Sharp pain zig-zagged across her face.
Hell. He raked his fingers through his hair. What was wrong with him? He’d never verbally attacked his mother before. Not even last year during the worst of the intervention, right before he’d walked out on them. No, he’d just calmly gotten up, informed them that they were mistaken about him and that he was leaving. And he’d left.
His mother recovered before he did, pasting a weak smile to her face as she regarded Abby. “I’m sorry, dear. It’s rude of us to come into your house and squabble over family disagreements.”
Family disagreements? Dirk wanted to laugh. Was that what they were calling invading his life?
“I came to tell you dinner was finished if you’re ready to eat.” Disillusionment shone on her face and when their eyes met, she quickly averted her gaze from his.
“Dinner would be lovely.” His mother took him by the elbow, gave him a look meant to put him in his place. “Everything smells wonderful. Right, son?”
Dirk gritted his teeth, seeing right through his mother’s ploy. She wanted to pretend everything was okay for Abby’s sake. If they’d cared about him, or Abby, they’d have stayed in Oak Park, wouldn’t have come to stir up the past.
“Right,” he finally agreed, knowing this was going to be a long, long night.
Abby’s face hurt from keeping her fake smile in place, just as she’d kept her smile in place all evening.
“It was so lovely to meet you, dear.” Dirk’s mother leaned forward, engulfing Abby in a giant bear hug. One so real and heartfelt Abby wanted to cry. “At least we know Dirk has someone to look out for him here in Philly.”
Right. But during the terse evening Abby had realized she didn’t want to look out for Dirk. Not under the current circumstances.
Having watched him with his family had only made obvious what she’d admitted to herself weeks ago but had shoved aside, hoping that Dirk could love her. He couldn’t. He had closed off his heart to the world.
If he wasn’t willing to let his own mother in, how was Abby supposed to believe he’d ever let her?
Which was the crux of the matter. After tonight, she didn’t believe.
Dirk had stolen her belief in happily-ever-after, her belief in Christmas miracles. Her belief, period.
In place of the hope-filled woman she’d once been was a disillusioned woman but one determined to be strong woman who’d do what was best for her child.
