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“Well… If you’re going to do that, would you mind if I gave it to my mom? I could call her right away. My dad has a truck. He could come get it.”
I can’t in good conscious give one of my employee’s mother a haunted, cursed cactus with a history of aggression. The thing could rival Leandra’s male family members, and that’s saying a lot given that my pool had cake in it, four soggy men, eight waterlogged shoes, a torn shirt, a pair of floating shorts ripped clean off, one burst flamingo, and one drenched dog by the time they were done out there.
“I’m not so sure you want to do that. What if it lashes out again? It might be- uh- it might be angry.” Great. Because that’s so much better than saying cursed.
Shandra laughs into the phone, but it’s not a mean laugh. “I don’t think my mom will mind. She raised my brothers. All three of them.”
“You have three brothers? All older?”
“Yeah.”
“My sympathies,” I say, thinking about Leandra.
Shandra laughs softly again. “So I can call her? I’ll sign a liability form if you want. You won’t be responsible if the thing is full of murderous rage or like needs an exorcism performed or something.”
“I’m not sure that plant exorcisms are a thing.”
“Well, if they are, at least we couldn’t sue you then. Bring the form with you. I’ll sign it.”
I realize that I’m beat and at least the cactus will get a good home. Maybe it just doesn’t like the greenhouse it’s in. Maybe if it’s in a pretty house with lots of love and attention it will chill the eff out. “Okay. I’ll bring something. Go ahead. Call her. See you in an hour.”
As soon as I hang up it hits me that I’m in deep poop. Like, ankle depth. No, more like waist depth. This is serious shit right here. I have to head to the greenhouse and I promised Leandra that I would be at the doctor’s appointment with her. I’m supposed to meet her there in an hour and I totally forgot until right freaking now.
“Shit. Shit on a cactus. That thing really is cursed.” I feel like kicking my desk, but I’m not a person who kicks things when they realize that they’ve just dug themselves into a massive hole, so instead I sit down and dial Leandra’s number. She answers right away and I can hear static car noise, the white noise sound that means she’s driving.
“Hey!” She says cheerfully and I wilt another inch in my desk chair. I’m starting to sweat and I swear it actually makes one of those erch erch erch sounds as I sink lower and lower and lower, the leather chair providing superior resistance to my clammy body. “I’m just on the way to the doctor’s. Traffic’s bad and I didn’t want to be late.”
“Uhhhh, about that… I got an emergency call from the greenhouse. The staff had an issue this afternoon. You’ll never believe what happened. I don’t know if I should tell you because you’ll think that I’m lying and that I’m trying to get out of this, or that I’m ditching and I’m unreliable.”
There’s a pause, then a snort of disbelief. “Try me.”
“That cactus. That bloody back stabbing, I mean ball stabbing cactus got another guy. He had to go to the hospital and the staff are freaked out. The manager there is only in her mid-twenties and she said there’s blood and everyone’s scared. I’m getting rid of that thing immediately. To a good home, don’t worry, though if it could be driven out into the wilderness somewhere and left to its own devices, it would probably be better off.”
“What the bloody arf! You asshole!” I think that’s directed at me, but then there’s the sound of a horn and a long sigh. “Sorry. I need to learn how to be chill like you when I drive. I was listening. I promise. It’s just that this guy’s been riding my ass for the past twelve blocks and then he just swerved into the other lane to get around me and almost took out another car. That was them honking at him. Holy man, I don’t understand how people can be such terrible drivers.”
“Be careful.” I wish I was there with her, not just because I like spending time with her, because she’s fun and beautiful and because whenever I’m with her I feel complete in a way that I never expected I would and that’s both wonderful and frightening, and fast- maybe it’s the curse or maybe it’s not- but also because I want to be there to protect her. I want to keep her safe. Her and our child.
Our child.
That’s still such an incredible thought. I’m not sure it’s sunk in yet. I was supposed to hear the heartbeat today and now I’m not going to be able to. Disappointment crashes through me.
