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* * *
I read his message and once again I don’t reply.
He sends another the following day.
* * *
Keir: It’s the way you cross your arms over your chest when you’re angry.
* * *
I look down at my arms and smile when I realize I do that a lot.
The next day, he sends me another.
* * *
Keir: It’s the way your hair falls over your face when you sleep. I’ve literally never seen anything more beautiful.
* * *
That’s it, I call him, I have to.
It’s been days of messages, and I can’t seem to form a response. I also need to know it’s him who’s sending them. It’s almost time for me to go back, and I want to know, now more than ever, if what’s between us is real.
The phone rings, and I bite my nails as I wait for him to pick up. It’s late.
Shit. Time difference.
I go to hang up, realizing it’s like two in the morning there, but his voice comes over the line. “Lollipop.” I remain silent, my breathing the only indication I’m there. “Do you plan to come home?” he asks, and I suck in a breath.
Home. What even is that anymore? I feel like I’ve had so many, but none have ever truly been mine.
“I think it’s time you come back to me,” he whispers.
“What if that isn’t my home any longer?” I say, sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Your home is where Wren and I are. Now, come home.” He almost begs. “Tell me you will.”
“I will,” I tell him, then go silent. “But, Keir—”
“No buts,” he interrupts.
“Acceptance doesn’t grow overnight,” I tell him.
“Goodnight, Sailor,” he replies, and I tell him goodnight before I hang up.
I clutch Wren to me as we leave the airport. She has an upset stomach, and the only way she seems to settle is if she’s lying on me. As soon as I walk out of the terminal, I see him. Let’s face it he’s hard to miss, and every single person who walks past him stares. Hell, I’m staring.
He pushes off the car and walks straight over. I can’t see his eyes behind his darkened glasses, but I know they’re tracking me, then he turns his head to look at Wren in my arms. He lifts his glasses before he takes her from me. I’m about to tell him no, but she goes easily and snuggles straight into him. I’m not really sure how he does that so easily. It’s as if she knows who he is.
“Sailor.” Bianca walks over then she touches my back. We had a great week together and did more than I did in the three weeks I was there by myself. “I’m going straight home to shower.” She kisses my cheek and does the same with Wren and Keir before she heads off.
“Are you ready to go home?” he asks.
“You kept the apartment?” I question.
“No,” he answers, and I’m surprised by his words. I had hoped he did, but I didn’t ask him to either. He leans into the car and straps Wren into her car seat between us before we get in.
“Do you intend to look at me or out the car window for the whole trip?” He breaks the silence as the car makes its way out of the airport.
“I don’t know what to say to you.”
“Are you glad to be back?”
“Yes and no…”
“Okay, let’s start off with the no.” I nod, and he raises his brows. “Explain.”
“I don’t know what we are, what we could be, or if I even want us to be a thing.”
“I want us to be a thing, and I won’t stop trying,” he comments. “You want me, Sailor. You can’t deny that. I’m not the only one who gets goosebumps when the other is around. I see the effect I have on you.”
“I’ve never denied that,” I reply, getting angry now. “See that? You can’t do that.”
“What? Talk sense into you?”
“Sense?” I question.
He nods. “Yes, sense. We work! Even if it’s not what you had hoped for. We work.”
“Obviously, we don’t. And just because the sex is great—”
He cuts me off. “It’s amazing, not great.”
“Having amazing sex does not mean we are compatible.”
“But that’s why we try, right? To see if we are?”
His words stump me. Have we ever actually tried to be a couple? I’m not sure we have. We have had failed attempts at everything else.
“I miss you, and I want you. I’m a straight shooter, Sailor, you know this. Feelings are not something I grew up with. And yet, here I am, giving them to you as if I was trained to do so. And believe me when I say, I wasn’t. I will fuck up, have no doubt. Say things you will want to kill me for. But believe me, every night, when I crawl into bed, it’s you I want next to me. It’s you I want to feel.”
