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“I’m so sorry,” she said, reaching for my hand, slipping hers into it and giving it a squeeze.
“It was in the earlier days of my father establishing the control over the docks. There were a lot of enemies in those days. There was an invasion one night. I don’t remember but Luca said she must have had some sort of sixth sense about the whole thing because she told him to get in bed with me and make sure we were both really quiet. Then he heard her moving something heavy in front of our bedroom door. And that was it. The next morning, our father told us what had happened.”
“That’s so sad,” she said, eyes looking a little watery.
“It was really, really hard on our father. And Luca. I didn’t remember her to grieve her much.”
“No, but you felt the loss of her, even if you didn’t remember her,” she insisted.
“That’s true,” I agreed, using her hand to pull her over to sit down beside me. “What about your family? You never talk about them.”
“They’re… they’re not in the picture,” she said carefully. “That’s actually why I came to Navesink Bank. To get away from them. Well, actually, just my mom. My dad had left her back when I was three or four. I never really knew him save for the birthday cards that came in the mail every year.”
“That sucks, babe. You and your mom, just oil and water?”
“Just an undiagnosed narcissist and her unwilling but helpless victim,” Josie said, surprising me. It was probably the first time I’d heard any venom on her lips. “Sorry. That sounds dramatic, but if you’ve ever lived with a narcissist, you would know that isn’t exactly incorrect. Everything was always my fault and she was always the victim. I was the reason my father left. I was the reason she hated her body. I was the reason she couldn’t jet set like she wanted to. I was the reason no man wanted to date her. And she made sure I felt the guilt of all of that until I finally got old enough to see what was really going on. And by then, there was just… there was no saving the relationship. Maybe that sounds harsh of me, but I don’t think I have that much forgiveness in me.”
“You don’t owe her forgiveness,” I assured her. “But you owe yourself peace.”
“I have that,” she said, nodding. “Drudging it up makes it seem like I don’t, but I do. I like my life here. But I think being around your family has made me see just how much I’d missed out on. Adrian has been more of a mom to me in the past week or so than my own mother ever was. I never had someone to fuss over me or make me food when I didn’t feel well. I really…” she said, cutting off to take a deep breath and try to blink the tears away. “I’m really grateful to get to experience that. Even for just a little while,” she added.
Because she didn’t want to be presumptuous.
Because things were still relatively new.
And I got that.
Being a lifelong avoider of anything even resembling commitment, I understood her hesitance.
I even caught myself when my mind was wandering to possible future scenarios that involved Josie, shutting it down, telling myself I shouldn’t be having thoughts like that about a woman I didn’t know that well.
That being said, I probably knew her better than any other woman I’d ever met that wasn’t actually related to me.
What can I say? I enjoyed women. For a very short, mutually satisfying time. And then it was over. Usually before I even knew how they took their coffee or what their favorite color was.
Milk and sugar.
Yellow.
Those were the answers for Josie.
I also knew what foods she liked, movies she enjoyed, personal pet peeves, and how passionate she was about ‘making things pretty’—as she put it—because she was constantly giving me feedback about my house plans.
I liked her.
And I had a sneaking suspicion that the more I got to know her, the more I would like her.
I wasn’t even factoring in sex.
Because I’d been trying like hell to keep my hands to myself. Because I knew I wasn’t going to have the self-control I needed to stop before things went too far. And regardless of how much she might have wanted it, I knew she hadn’t been ready for sex yet.
Once things got to that level, though? Yeah, I had a feeling we were going to progress to something serious pretty fucking fast.
“I’m glad you are getting something out of them. They’re good people to have around. Family is important. Even if it isn’t your blood. It’s important to have people who have your back and best interest at heart at all times. Even if you’re a selfish prick like me who keeps them at a distance for years.”
