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only if both do it," I said, thinking about Daddy and
his devotion to Daphne.
"I don't think James wants to be like that,"
Jeanne worried.
"I'm sure he does, but it doesn't happen
overnight. It takes time to build a relationship." She nodded, slightly encouraged. "Paul and you
have certainly spent a long time together. Is that why
your marriage is so perfect?" she asked.
A strange aching began in my heart. I hated
how one lie led to another and then another, building
one upon the other until we were buried under a
mountain of deceit.
"Nothing is perfect, Jeanne."
"Paul and you are as close as can be. Look how
the two of you were toward each other from the first
day you two met. The truth is," she said sadly, "I was
hoping James would worship me as much as Paul
worships you. I suppose I shouldn't compare him to
my brother."
"No one should worship anyone, Jeanne," I said
softly, but the way she viewed Paul and me and the
way others saw us made me feel ever so guilty for
loving Beau on the side. What a shock it would be if
the truth were to be known, I thought, and how
devastating it would be to Paul.
Talking like this with Jeanne made me realize
that my relationship with Beau would go nowhere. It
might even destroy Paul little by little. I had made my
choice, accepted his kindness and devotion, and now I
had to live with that choice. I couldn't be selfish
