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gutter one day and maybe then she'll decide to do
something about herself,' Granny told me.
"She told it to me so often, I began to wish for
it, wish I would come home and find Momma outside
facedown in the street. I suppose it don't say much for
you when all you can hope for is your momma hitting
rock bottom sooner than later, but that's how it was
and I'm not ashamed of praying for it.
"That's right," I said glaring at them before they
could gasp or ask some stupid question, "I did pray
for it. I went to sleep asking God to send my momma
close to hell as soon as He had the opportunity. "So yes, I did get so I hated her. At times it was
like a rat of hatred was gnawing at my heart. I
probably will always hate her," I declared firmly. No one said a word. It was as if we were all in freeze- frame, not a movement, not even the sound of
anyone breathing.
"Not having Daddy home even once in a while
was like taking a leash off a dog as far as Momma
was concerned. She didn't have to worry about him
coming back from work and not finding her in the
house. She didn't care what the house looked like
either, since he wasn't there to criticize and complain.
At first, it was like her way of getting even with him
for leaving her. I could almost hear her say, 'He
thought I was a no-good drunk slob before? Well, he
should see me now.'
"I stayed home from school even more because
after I saw to Rodney, it was often very late in the
morning and I'd have missed the first two classes by
the time I got there.
"Then Momma went and did the worst thing of
