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"Don't believe what?"
"That looks don't matter. They always matter."
I glanced at Cat. She kept her eyes down the whole time Star and I argued.
"If you have skills and talent, you will get to where you want to go, to where you deserve to go," I told Star.
"Men are always going to promote women who are prettier first," she insisted.
"What would you know about it? You've never had a job or been in the business world."
"I know what men want," she said dryly.
"Oh please." I looked at Misty, who just shrugged. From what she had told us, I knew her mother had never done a day's work. She wouldn't know either, I realized.
"You watch too many soap operas," I snapped.
"Soap operas?" Star laughed. "Half the time the television doesn't work or if it does, Rodney's glued to it, watching cartoons. We only have one set in our house," she pointed out. "I bet you have five."
I thought for a moment. We had seven, but I didn't say so.
"My mother," I continued deciding to ignore Star's interruption, "is not one of those women who look prettier or more radiant when they get angry. She looks . . . scary, at least to me.
"'Believe me,' she cried, 'your father is not concerned about your getting less or more. He has his own agenda in this divorce and you and I are not at the top of the list. Why do you think he's fighting so hard to win custody? Because he wants to be responsible for you, to be burdened by your needs? Hardly. It's a negotiations ploy, that's what it is.'
"'What's that mean?' I asked.
"She was quiet for a moment, nodding to herself and smiling before turning to me.
"'He thinks I'm not as smart as he is. Most men make that mistake, but I've been in plenty of negotiations with men and I know how the opponent thinks and maneuvers,' she said.
"I hated the idea of her referring to my father as the opponent, but I could see that's what he was to her now, nothing more.
"'He thinks if he carries this ridiculous motion for custody to court and we actually have a trial date scheduled, I'll give in to his financial demands and take less.'
"'I thought the money part was all just about settled,' I said.
"'It would have been if there wasn't this wrinkle,' she replied. That's what I was now, a wrinkle.
"'I don't understand,' I said.
"'He makes more money than I do. I want my share of that as well,' she explained. 'I'm entitled to it and there are other assets that he thinks are only his. Then, there's the house. Eventually, it all will be worked out, but until then, he's playing this new game.'
"'What am I, a checker on a checkerboard?' I asked.
"'Exactly,' she said. 'I'm glad you understand. I knew you would. We've got to be more like sisters now than mother and daughter, sisters fighting the same cause, hating men who are selfish and who will belittle us,' she told me.
"But in my mind, I saw her treating me like a checker on that board as well. I just didn't say it then. I was afraid her anger might drive us off the road if I did.
"As soon as we arrived at the restaurant, my mother became the mother I knew most of my life. She claimed she had brought me there to have a heartto-heart, but she spent most of her time talking to people she knew in the business world. In between she had to explain who all these people were and why it was so important to touch base with them, as she put it.
"When would she touch base with me? I wondered."
"Why didn't you ask her instead of wonder?" Star questioned.
"I don't know. You're right, of course. I should have confronted her then and there, but I didn't. I ate; I listened and I found myself drifting away, like some shadow of myself, becoming more and more invisible. That's what this divorce does to me, it makes me invisible, no matter what they say about how important I am.
"Every once in a while, my mother would return to the subject of our family crisis and rant about my father as if she just remembered she was in the middle of this legal action to end their marriage. She drank more than I had ever seen her drink. Usually, one martini was enough for my mother, but she was lit up like a movie marquee, advertising her anger, her determination and her pride, so she drank another and then nearly half of a third.
