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I heard another name called and saw a boy who didn’t look much older than ten being brought in with a man who had his hand firmly around the back of the boy’s neck. I thought, if that’s his father, he would be better off being sent to a juvenile detention center.
“I hope you appreciate the break you just received, young lady,” the public defender said.
“She doesn’t, but I’ll make sure she does,” Mother darling told him.
“You don’t want to come back here,” he said. “That’s one hard judge.”
Mother darling thanked him, and then she hurried us out of the courthouse.
“I swear,” she muttered as we drove back to Cory’s apartment, “I don’t know where you get that belligerent streak that’s in you.”
“Maybe from my mysterious father,” I suggested. “Hey,” I said, nearly bouncing on the seat, “that’s how you can tell who my father was. Which of the dozen or so men you slept with that night was most like me?”
She looked at me as if she wasn’t sure whether I was being serious or not, and then she smirked and shook her head.
“Keep it up, Robin. Keep punishing me for your own failin‘ and faults. See what it gets you in the end.”
“You mean this isn’t the end already?” I retorted.
She tightened her face and drove the rest of the way in silence. Inside, I felt like brittle china that had just been hit hard and was full of deep cracks. It would take only a small nudge to have it fall completely apart.
Cory seemed only vaguely interested in what had happened to me in court. He said, “Kids her age get away with murder these days.” The judge’s decision only reinforced his views. Anyway, he didn’t want to spend any time talking about me. He had a big announcement to make to Mother darling.
“Bill Renner, a scout for Reliable Records, was at our club last night. I just got a call. He liked your song, ‘Ridin’ on a Dream.‘ He wants us to go down to the studio to talk to him about cuttin’ a record. I already told Del and Ernie. You go in and put on your best outfit,” he continued. “Fix yourself up real good, Kay. I want him to see the possibilities for photos, covers, advertisements immediately.”
Mother darling squealed with delight and then ran into his arms. He spun her around. They looked like two happy kids. I couldn’t prevent the soft smile that came to my lips, but then, thinking about where I had just been, I couldn’t help feeling even more like the lead weight around Mother darling’s ankles Cory accused me of being. This was their success, not mine, their dreams coming true. There was no room in that for me.
How I envied them both for the looks of joy and elation on their faces. Mother darling’s eyes brightened like a little girl’s. Her face blossomed before me, and Cory looked really satisfied with himself.
“Do I know what I’m talking about or don’t I?” he asked her.
“You know, Cory, oh, boy, do you know.”
She paused to look at me.
“Oh, be happy for us all, Robin. This is a very big opportunity, and it’s one of my songs, my songs!”
“I’m happy,” I said. “I’m so happy, I could turn into a bubble and burst.”
Her smile froze. Cory curled his lip.
“Good luck,” I said, and went to my bedroom.
“Forget about her,” he said. “We’ve got to concentrate on this chance and put all our energy toward it.”
I could hear their happy voices as they dressed and prepared themselves in the next room. I lay on the bed staring up at the pale white ceiling and tried to think of a dream for myself. Where would I go someday? What would ever make me that happy? Maybe people who are in limbo like me never have any dreams. We just float from one boring moment to another.
I must have dozed off for a while because when I opened my eyes, it looked like twilight. My bedroom door was open, but I heard no one. I listened hard, then I looked at my watch and saw it was already after five. They had to have left. Mother darling probably had stopped by to show me what she looked like and she found me asleep. I was sure she had dressed in that frilly short skirt and sequin-covered blouse that had a matching hat and boots. It was her favorite outfit, and I had to admit she looked like a star in those clothes.
There was a note on the refrigerator.
I left you some money on the kitchen table. Get yourself a pizza or something. I’ll call later.
Kay
She couldn’t even sign it “Mother.” Was she really afraid someone would see this and know? I crumpled it up and threw it in the garbage. Then I scooped up the money and marched out of the apartment. When I walked out of the complex, I looked to the right and saw Kathy Ann peeking out between the curtains of her front window. Deliberately, I waved vigorously at her and the curtain closed instantly.
Laughing, I hurried down the street and took the bus downtown. All I could think of was Keefer. For now he was my dream and I was happy only when I was with him. The lights in the body shop window were like the lights of a lighthouse beaming protectively into the darkness of my world. The only safe harbor I had was within his embrace.
