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"I can't help it that I liked Karen so much," I said. It was the closest I could come to a confession.
"You shouldn't feel guilty about it. You can't feel you're responsible for what happened, honey, just because you were good friends. Of course, you should be very sad. If you weren't, I'd worry more about you," she concluded, and kissed me on the forehead, both to show me how much she loved me and to check to be sure I had no fever. I knew her little tricks.
"I've got to get myself going," she declared, and hurried out. "I'd take you to school, but I'm running late."
"I'm okay with the bus. Don't worry."
I had barely enough time to get myself together and out to meet it. She left just before the bus arrived, and for those few moments, I seriously considered turning around and going back inside. Could I get away with cutting school? Normally, I might have tried it, but considering the way everyone was centering attention on me, I didn't dare risk it. There was a strong possibility my parents had asked the principal to request that my teachers keep a close eye on me, and if I weren't in school, the principal might just call either my mother or my father to see how I was. He might even suspect I had cut.
Karen would read my letter, anyway, I thought, and she would be prepared to talk during the hour or so we would have before my mother returned from the hospital. When the bus pulled up, I looked up at the attic window and saw the curtain parting. I had just a glimpse of her face, but it was enough to tell me how sad and trapped she felt. She was a bird in a cage. I had to help her. I had to help find a way to set her free--and, in doing so, set myself free as well.
My school day was remarkab
ly normal. It amazed me to see how quickly everyone had slipped back into the normal interests and concerns. There was a lot of chatter about an upcoming school musical and an important baseball game, as well as the end-ofthe-year school party. The student government held three big parties, one on Halloween, one right before the Christmas holidays, and one in the spring right before the school year ended. The day was peppered with announcements, banners going up on the corridor walls, and much louder chatter and laughter between classes. I wished I could be part of it, just submerge myself in everything and be like the zeros Karen called mindless teenyboppers.
To be sure, there were still questions and curiosity about Karen and what was happening, but it wasn't on everyone's front burner anymore. She was as good as dead and forgotten to most of the girls who disliked her, anyway. Only Dana Martin pursued me with vigor about it. Once again, he sat with me at lunch. If his old girlfriend's eyes could launch the darts in them, I'd be punctured with so many holes I'd look like someone who had broken out with the measles. She sat with her friends two tables away, aiming her fury at me.
"Too bad you're going to the city this
weekend," Dana began.
"I don't think it's too bad. I'm very excited about it."
"I could come by your way tonight," he suggested. "You're not going to the city until tomorrow, right?"
"We're leaving early. My parents would rather I stay home," I said, even though I hadn't brought up the subject with them.
"Okay. You're back Sunday. How about I come by Sunday night?"
"I don't know what time we're coming home, and I have to be somewhere Sunday night. Actually," I said, thinking this might discourage him, "we're paying Karen's mother a visit."
"I heard a rumor last night," he said, undaunted by my excuses and reasons not to see him.
"I'm sure there are lots of rumors."
"This one came from a reliable source in the police department. They think Karen's mother knows where she is but isn't telling."
"That's stupid. Why wouldn't she tell them?"
He leaned toward me as if he were afraid someone was listening nearby. No one could hear what we were saying, especially in this noisy place. He was just trying to be dramatic.
"They think Karen and her mother were in cahoots."
"What?" I smirked and squeezed my nose up so hard it actually hurt for a moment. "That's the dumbest . . ."
"Look at what she has now. Look at what she's inherited. Look at what she was married to before, or stuck in," he offered confidently. He nodded. "They'll come up with some good excuse for what she's done. You'll see. Wherever Karen is, her mother knows," he insisted. "You and I had better get together soon and compare notes. Who knows? Maybe they'll find a way to involve us and spread the blame just because we knew her better than the rest of the kids here."
"That's ridiculous. How can they do that? You're just making it all up to come up with some excuse to meet."
He shrugged and smiled at me. "Do I really need an excuse to meet you?"
The warning bell rang.
"I don't know what you need," I said, gathering up my books.
"Yes, you do," he called to me as I started away. "You need the same thing."
I glanced back and saw him still smiling.
