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“Whoa, man. You are off your game today. And I mean fucking off, big boy.”
Archie laughs as I grunt, pissed. I just buried a ball in a sand pit for the fifth time today, and I’m fucking angry. Luckily there aren’t many people out on the course because they’d probably cower with fear before scampering off given my pissed off attitude. But that’s the benefit of a playing a private course. There aren’t many members, so we pretty much have the green to ourselves. Thankfully because I don’t need any witnesses to the shit game I’m playing today. Golf may not be my best sport, but I’ve certainly never stroked such a fucked-up round in my life.
“Yeah, well fuck you,” I curse, nodding toward Archie’s ball that’s rolled a good ten feet past the hole. “It’s not like you’re the next Tiger Woods.”
Archie winks and giggles, sauntering over to his ball.
“Yeah, but I wouldn’t want to be Tiger Woods seeing how he’s fucked up his own life. Besides, have you seen his ex? That girl from Sweden? Why the fuck would he step out on her?”
I nod my head in acknowledgment because Tiger seems to have tanked his career with his extracurricular shenanigans. But that’s no business of ours.
“Yeah, what a loser,” I grunt.
“Besides,” Archie continues while lining up his shot. “I’ve never been much of an athlete. That’s why I run a night club, instead of working as a pro athlete like you.”
He putts the ball and goddamn, but it circles the hole and then drops in with a resounding thunk. My buddy’s now got a lead and it doesn’t feel good to be on the back foot.
But Archie’s right. My friend’s never been much of an athlete and I have quite of few memories of the guy ass-over-heels whenever we were in P.E. together. Of course, people wanted to laugh, but no one did because they knew we were buds and I had his back. Even then, I was the biggest guy in our school. Hell, I was bigger than most of our friends’ dads.
“I guess I’ll give you that,” I say grudgingly while putting my ball into the hole as well. “Remember that time you slipped and skidded face first into a pile of dog turd? You were screaming so loud that we thought it was a girl.”
Archie flips me the bird and then swings at the next green, hitting his ball so hard that it soars into a thicket of trees.
“What the fuck?” he curses, shading his eyes. “I swear, those bushes and trees weren’t there a second ago.”
“You mean, the entire forest wasn’t there?” I ask cynically. “That shit just popped out of nowhere, right?” But then I shake my head, feeling mentally exhausted. “Maybe we should call it a day,” I say in apology.
He looks up at me with an eyebrow arched in surprise.
“What? You want to call it quits on a sport because you’ve had a few rough plays? That’s not like you, my man. Something’s up. Tell me what’s eating at you.”
I shake my head.
“It’s nothing.”
Archie laughs humorously.
“It isn’t nothing if it’s fucking with your head like this. Seriously, I’ve known you too long, Sanford. What is it? Just get it off your back.”
I look down, my jaw set.
“Fine, ” I grunt while dragging a hand through my hair. “I had a date and it ended with her running out of my hotel room. Or actually, I ran out of the hotel room with a limp dick and a lot of regrets,” I amend.
Archie’s eyes widen.
“Damn, I never pegged you as the love ‘em and leave ‘em type of guy.”
I let out an exasperated snort. “I’m not. But I never really get to finish the love ‘em part, if you know what I mean.”
My friend looks at me skeptically.
“You mean, she kicked you out of bed? Why do I find that hard to believe?” he asks, sizing up my sculpted frame. “I mean, you used to be a fucking gladiator on TV! Girls are dying to sleep with a dude like you.”
I sigh again because this is my shameful secret, and it’s eating me up from the inside out. Hell, maybe Archie knows a woman or two whom I wouldn’t hurt in the bedroom. He is in the nightclub business after all, and is constantly surrounded by sexy minks.
I groan again, pinching the bridge of my nose.
“What I mean is that I’ve never been balls deep in a woman. They can’t take all of me, and I usually wind up hurting them in bed. Literally. Fucking. Hurting them. I’ve learned to stop though, although it hasn’t done much good. All that happens is that we both end up frustrated and angry.”
My buddy stares at me, his red hair practically crackling.
“Are you kidding me?”
